To Climbing Mountains
by OathDreamer
Summary: Jaime Lannister has finally admitted his love for Brienne, if only to himself and given in to his desires. Joyfully, Brienne accepts him and gives in to her own longings. This story is the story we didn't get. What happened for a month in Winterfell after their first night together?
1. Chapter 1

Brienne rose from her bed, naked in the darkness, and rushed to feed the dying fire. Gooseflesh covered her instantly as the chill of her chamber washed over her like falling snow. She fussed about at the smoldering embers with a poker, cursing under her breath as a hot cinder bit her on the foot. She used the bare bottom of the other to swipe it off. Once the fire took hold again, she rushed back to her bed, landing with a thump and pawed at the fur coverings, until she was covered to her suddenly wide eyes.

"Ser Jaime," she shouted in a whisper.

A tight lipped smile flashed as his wide green eyes smiled over at her startled expression. "I believe we've moved past the Ser, don't you?"

Clutching the covers to her chin, she swallowed and drew them over her head for a moment, until she gradually felt them being tugged away.

"What are you doing?" Jaime asked over a chuckle. "Are you ashamed of me?"

"No. I just…I thought…" She sighed as his smile never left. "I…forgot you were…"

"Already? You certainly know how to wound a man's pride. Tell the truth. You thought I'd slip out in the night?"

"No I…" Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"And where would I go?"

"Well I don't know." She paused, struggling with her thoughts and spoke quietly to tender her words. "You had quite a bit to drink and…"

"And now, I'm dying of thirst. Is there any water in that pitcher over there?" He motioned with his left index finger towards a small table in the corner of the room.

She nodded.

"Well then," he said, tossing back the furs without a hint of bashfulness and shivered. He poured himself a cup and drank it straight down and then turned back to her, and filled the cup again. He walked back to the bed and leaned over it, placing the cup in her hand. "Chamber pot?"

She pointed beneath her side of the bed, her eyes never leaving his.

As he circled the bed, she closed her eyes and took a long drink, keeping them closed. Turning away from him as he knelt and slid the chamber pot from beneath the bed, she reached over and sat the cup blindly on her night table. She'd had to watch him piss at least a hundred times between Riverrun and Kings Landing but not like this. She cringed slightly as he let out a long ahhhh as he finished.

"I'd say it's still a couple hours until dawn," he said, climbing back in next to her. She was as stiff as a board and still clutching her furs but she was facing his side of the bed now, and if she turned away, she thought he'd think her regretful.

"Brienne?" he whispered as he curled in facing her. "Open your eyes I know you're not asleep."

When her eyes fluttered open, his face was mere inches away. "No, of course I'm not asleep yet. I was just giving you some privacy."

"Privacy!" He laughed, rolling onto his back. "A few hours ago privacy was the furthest thing from your mind. I must admit, I was more than pleasantly surprised but wine always sweetens the flesh."

"Doing…what we did and pissing are two completely different things." She was stammering a lot but she was growing frustrated with him constantly interrupting her.

He rolled back to face her, rising on one elbow. "Well speaking of that…"

"Must we?" she interrupted in return.

"Yes! Don't you want to?" His brows pressed together at the bridge of his nose. "I want to," he whispered, in that devilish tone she adored. She'd always been too shy to acknowledge it, but her smile continuously lurked dangerously close to her lips when he did that.

Brienne gazed up at him for several moments as the room grew thick with heat and the undeniable feeling they were about to cross another threshold. "I'm glad. I'm glad it was you on the other side of my door. I'm glad your intentions were to stay. I'm…happy it was you and..." Fearing she'd said too much she stopped abruptly.

"Well, now that wasn't so difficult, was it?" Jaime said, relaxing down off his elbow, still facing her. "And although you didn't ask, I'm…happy too."

"But why? Why now?" she blurted and the words flowed softly from her lips before her thoughts could stop them.

His left hand slid from beneath his pillow and he drew his index finger lightly down the length of her nose, following it with his eyes until it traced her lips. His gaze drifted over her face until it met hers like a warm breeze, but something in his voice changed from provocation to sincerity. "Do you really need to ask me that? You know why I came here and don't play coy with me of all people—I've been looking at those big blue eyes for years, Brienne. I may be stupid but I'm not blind." Frustration grew in his voice and she shushed him softly. "Yes, I promised I'd come with an army at my back which as we know did not happen, but worst of all, I couldn't get your face out of my head." His voice softened, as did his eyes. "You kept me going…you had to know somewhere in that stubborn head of yours. You had to know…"

She kissed him—full on as his kiss had hit her just hours before. Instinctively he wrapped her up and pulled her over him, their warm bodies pressed close. Their kiss lasted longer than she'd planned but the burn was deep and as her thigh pressed against him, she could feel his fire was building swiftly. She understood the way his body moved and she moved with him, as if they'd been together this way forever.

"Why'd you let me in?" he asked breathlessly, pushing her knees apart with his, and his lips brushed over her ear as she straddled him.

Leaning up to look down at him, she brushed his messy hair away from his forehead. His eyes were dark with lust and his body tense with anticipation, yet his tone made her blood sing with something more. "Your eyes...the way you looked at me tonight?" She scoffed. "I used to think I was crazy." She leaned down and kissed him again then suddenly he stopped her.

"What?" he asked, his face twisted in confusion; his left hand clutching her arm firmly.

She relaxed and sat back on his thighs. "Well, I'm not exactly what one would consider a conventional woman, Jaime, and I don't always understand the intentions of men, unless their less than honorable. Those I understand."

"You believe my intentions were honorable?" he asked, the Adam's apple in his throat danced up and down as he swallowed hard.

"I'd never expect anything else from you," she said cupping his face in her hands. "All evening, I saw it in your eyes. What I'd wanted for so long but never believed was real and then, there you were at my door. I'd decided the moment you arrived in Winterfell, should any such moment arise where I knew I was right…where I could finally trust myself as much as I trust you, I would not let that moment pass me by. If we haven't learned how brief our lives are by now, we don't deserve what little joy the Gods allow us."

"We've wasted so much time…both of us," he whispered, never breaking her gaze.

"No, Jaime. You have, but I do take some of the blame. So many times I believed I saw us, together in your eyes but then, that voice would whisper in my ear…what could Jaime Lannister possibly see in me?" Her eyes glazed with tears and yet she smiled wide.

His hand slid roughly up the length of her arm as he at last arched his body beneath her, entering her slowly, rocking his hips as she moaned softly and moved with him.

"Everything," he whispered, sliding his hand around the nape of her neck and pulling her down to meet his kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

A knock came just before dawn on Brienne's chamber door. She instinctively knew it was Podrick and slid carefully from beneath Jaime's embrace. He sighed in his sleep and turned away from her, repositioning himself, and she covered him before sliding out of bed and into her robe.

Opening the door to a sliver, she found she was right. "Good morning, Pod. I didn't expect to find you up at this hour after last night."

"It's true milady…I mean Ser, most of the army is still asleep, but since you're always the first one in the training yard, I was surprised when you weren't there. I thought I'd come by and see if you needed anything." He rocked back onto his heels, his hands clasped behind his back as he spoke, and craned his neck a bit. Brienne believed he was trying to see around her and lowered her brow.

Seeing the humor in this, she smiled gently and said, "Now that you mentioned it, breakfast would be lovely. Would you mind?"

"Of course not, Ser. The usual oat cakes and honey with boiled eggs and bacon?"

"Yes and a pitcher of milk as well if it isn't too much trouble."

"No trouble at all, Ser." He craned again as she leaned slightly against the door frame.

"Is everything all right, Pod?" Brienne looked puzzled.

"Yes…yes of course, Ser. Will there be anything else?" He stammered, rocking back again.

"Yes, I'll need double that breakfast, except for the milk. One pitcher should suffice."

"Double but…Ser, I…" he said, his brow furrowed.

"And if anyone looks for Ser Jaime, tell them he's still sleeping. After breakfast, I'll meet you in the yard, although I don't expect anyone but us until at least noon."

Podrick's lips pressed together tightly and a smile flattened them. "Yes milady…Ser."

"Pod? I'm starving," she said firmly and closed the door.

"Well, you handled that well," Jaime said, pushing himself up until his back rested on his pillows.

"He's my squire, Jaime. He won't breathe a word," she said, climbing onto the bed and scooting in close to him. "Good morning by the way."

"Why don't we sleep in today?" he asked, the fingers on his left hand snaking between hers as he raised her hand and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. His eyes traveled the length of her body and back again.

"As a commander yourself, I know you understand I have a duty to uphold. Lady Sansa is depending on me to continue training. They could all be leaving for Kings Landing at any moment."

"Used to understand." He squeezed her hand where he still held it at his side and lowered his head. "My days of commanding armies and going to war are over."

"Mine are as well," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" he asked. His head turned again to face her as hers turned to him.

"Lady Sansa has requested I stay here in Winterfell as her personal guard. I'm to train them and her brother Jon, as well as Queen Danaerys' own generals will go south."

"So, you're not leaving then?" His expression was a mixture of relief and pleasure.

"No. I'm sworn to Lady Sansa, so despite the cold, the snow and the rebuilding, this is my home now." She sighed, glancing around the small chamber and turned to Jaime with a smile, but there was sadness in her eyes.

"Is that what you want?" he asked, his head tilting slightly.

"It doesn't matter what I want. This is my duty and we both understand why. Now that I'm a sworn knight, my vows are forged, even more so than before. Just because we no longer face the threat from the north, doesn't mean this place is safe. You understand that."

"Indeed I do, all too well." He nodded. "I'd better feed that fire." Jaime slid from the bed and pulled on his pants.

"I can do it," Brienne said, leaping from the bed.

"Please, let me." He stopped her as she reached for the wood, resting his hand on her arm. "Let me."

She smiled the slightest of smiles and turned facing him, as he pulled her into his arms. "I know you've been on your own for most of your life, but you're not alone anymore," he whispered and then kissed her until Podrick's familiar knock came again.

Brienne broke their kiss and started to pull away but Jaime held her close. "At least let me get the door," she said over a lazy smile. He nodded and finally let her go.

"I had to bring it on a cart milady," Pod said.

"Of course, just push it in here," Brienne replied, holding the door open for him.

"It's a good thing you're on the first level. I don't think I'd have made it up the steps with this." He chuckled until he saw Jaime feeding the fire. "Oh…Ser Jaime."

"Good morning, Mister Payne. Thank you for bringing us this feast." Jaime gave Brienne a wink and a nod and she could see him restraining a smile. "It certainly appears placing you in Ser Brienne's service worked out quite well for you. How are you feeling?"

Podrick placed the plates loaded with food on Brienne's small dining table, arranging them carefully and then straightened himself as he answered. "I'm good Ser and you?"

Brienne stifled a giggle which was no easy task for her on this of all mornings, and Jaime's face lit up at the sight of her charmed expression.

"As you can see I'm a bit worse for wear," he answered, looking down at the bruises on his naked torso. "I'm fairly sure of the origin of these bruises but I'm not quite sure where these scratches came from." He looked up at Brienne from beneath his raised brow and then back at Podrick and smiled slyly at the shade of rose rising in Pod's round cheeks.

"Um, perhaps I…should go," Podrick stammered, wiping his palms on his hips.

"Yes, Pod, perhaps you should go," Brienne said, covering her smiling lips with her index finger and throwing Jaime a look of feigned annoyance.

"If milady approves, I'll go to the yard and get the men started, that is, if any of them have arrived," Pod said as Brienne opened the door for him to leave.

"Yes Pod. That would be wonderful. Give them my regrets and I'll join you as soon as I can."

He stepped out into the hallway and turned back to her. "There's no rush milady…Ser. Enjoy your breakfast." He smiled a toothy grin and went.

"No idea where the scratches came from?" Brienne closed and bolted the door.

"It was just a little falsehood," he said as he stepped slowly towards her and began trying to untie the cloth belt of her robe.

"What are you doing?" she asked, leaning slightly away from him.

"What do you think I'm doing?" he said, as the soft fabric slid slowly between his fingers and fell to her sides.

"Our breakfast is getting cold, Jaime." She stood with her arms at her sides with a look of stoic defiance as his hand pushed apart her robe and slid beneath it around her waist.

"Feels warm to me." He kissed her as his hand slid down over her bottom, gently stroking her skin as it rose in prickles beneath his touch.

No longer able to resist him, her own hands slid up and around his shoulders. "So this is how it's going to be?" she whispered against his parted lips. "We starve to death, naked and cold in this chamber?"

His chest heaved with air, pressing her backwards towards the bed. "Starve? Oh no my lady." His hand now kneaded the soft flesh of her buttocks, gliding down to the delicate curve beneath them and met the mile of corded leg beyond. "Your legs," he said over a slow exhale as his mouth explored her swanlike throat.

"My legs?" she asked, threading her long, nimble fingers into his hair, and pulling his face closely against her chest as he lowered her back onto the bed.

"I've never…" The words seemed to catch in his throat as he kissed her from her breast bone down to her navel and then looked up at her gazing dreamily down at him.

Brienne gasped as his mouth wandered lower until her eyes closed and his breath warmed the flesh of her inner thighs for the first time. "You've never?" She breathed the words with barely a sound as he nudged them apart.

His hand clasped the muscular flesh of her right thigh and gently squeezed it as it involuntarily flexed at the sensation of his calloused palm. "They're so strong." His tongue tasted her and her body stiffened but she had to see him like this. She raised her head slightly and looked down at him smiling up at her as he did it again and again, she tensed.

"Please, try not to snap my neck when I do this?" he said and laughed.

"You…" she groaned and slapped him playfully. A moment later, she was somewhere else. Somewhere she'd never been…alone with bliss, and Jaime Lannister, and sunlight now bursting through the cracks in the shutters.


	3. Chapter 3

The council meeting to discuss strategies for the attack on Kings Landing concluded on a sour note. Afterwards, Jaime pulled Brienne aside and told her his brother, Tyrion had requested his company for the evening, since according to Queen Deanery's, they'd be leaving within days.

As they passed through the courtyard to the stables, Jaime took Brienne's hand and said, "I want you to know how glad I am that you'll be staying here. Something about all this…I'm just glad you won't be a part of it."

"I'm glad you've chosen to stay here with me…I mean, in Winterfell." Brienne's voice softened and a rose blush filled her cheeks. "Will you be returning to your room at the Inn in Wintertown or will you request Tyrion's chamber until he returns?"

"The Inn is…well, it's quite cozy but it doesn't have the same warmth as Winterfell. They say there are hot springs that run beneath the castle, so even if your fire goes out, the castle never truly grows cold." He squeezed her gloved hand and turned, facing her.

"Yes, yes that's true. The hot springs are also lovely for bathing, that is of course…if you can stand the heat," she giggled.

"So have you partaken of the springs?" Suddenly he caught her jest. "My lady, what exactly are you implying?" Jaime asked, giving her a suspicious squint, but there was a smile in his voice.

"Hello dear brother," Tyrion said as he seemed to appear out of the wind. Immediately, Brienne stepped back and let go of Jaime's hand.

"Ser Brienne," he said, greeting her with a bow. "Jaime, I took the liberty of having our horses saddled."

"Why, thank you," Jaime said sarcastically.

"I hope you don't mind me stealing my brother away for a few hours my lady? I understand he's been advising you on the security plans for Winterfell. As the former Lord Commander of the King's Guard in Kings Landing, I'm certain he'll be quite helpful in that regard," Tyrion said and smiled kindly.

"Are you joking? Thank the Gods he'll be out of my hair at last," she said. Her sarcasm was noted by Tyrion but Jaime cocked his head at her and groaned. Noticing Jaime's discomfort immediately, Brienne continued. "Although he does have excellent suggestions and advice, I could use some time alone to make some plans of my own. I also need to meet with Lady Sansa. She has some concerns she'd like to address."

"Will you be overseeing the repairs and rebuilding as well?" Tyrion asked.

"Oh no, she has someone who is far more qualified in that area. My plate is quite full at the moment anyway," Brienne answered, glancing quickly at Jaime and back to Tyrion.

"I'm sure it is my lady. Well, shall we be on our way brother?" Tyrion said. "Ser Brienne," he bowed again.

"I'll meet you in the stables in just a moment," Jaime replied.

"Yes, yes…" Tyrion's voice faded as he marched away.

"Are you going to tell him?" Brienne asked, taking Jaime's hand again.

Jaime again turned towards her. "He's my brother. He knows me. Do you honestly think he doesn't already suspect something?"

"I wouldn't know. I'm an only child so I don't have that experience to draw from."

"He knows. I know when he knows and he knows when I know."

"So, it's a sibling thing," Brienne said, almost in a whisper, as a woman and two young children passed them.

Jaime glanced smiling at the small family, distracted from what Brienne had said. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Nothing. It was nothing. Go on now. Enjoy your time with him. It could be quite a while before you see him again." Brienne glanced around and finding no one of note, she leaned and gave him a swift light kiss on his cheek and reluctantly let go of his hand.

Jaime only nodded and went on his way.

~~~Jaime~~~

The Inn where Jaime had been lodging was nearly empty and the dining and drinking hall was occupied only by the roaring fire in the hearth. The young serving girl brought them a large flagon of wine and was instructed by Tyrion to bring another every half hour until he told her to stop.

"A repeat of last night? Oh no, I don't think so," Jaime said. "I could barely get out of bed this morning."

"And what bed might that be?" Tyrion asked, his taunting eyes peering at Jaime over the brim of his wine goblet.

Jaime pinched his lips tightly closed and looked side eyed at his little brother, who was nearly downing his wine in one swallow. "Who else knows?"

"Besides Tormund Giantsbane crying on half the shoulders in the room after you leapt into his path, you immediately turning to follow her and let us not pretend every person at the table was blind and did not see you making love to her across the table every time the woman blinked…"

"Woah now, I asked who knew. I didn't ask for your perception and interpretation of every move I made," Jaime chided, raising his eyebrows and filling his cup. "By the way," he added, sitting his cup down hard on the table and leaning towards his brother. "What devil possessed you to make that statement to her in the game? That was…"

"Cruel? Harsh? Unnecessary?"

"Yes, all of that and worse. Did it ever occur to you that you might have hurt her?"

"Hurt her, helped you, what are you complaining about?" Tyrion chuckled.

Jaime sat back in his chair and stared down into his wine. "I didn't like it," he said quietly. "I don't like seeing her…"

"Vulnerable?"

"Yes! Vulnerable is a good word for it and what do you mean by helping me?"

Tyrion laughed again. "Let's just say I know a little bird—or a large bird, a young squire actually, who spent a great deal of time with Ser Brienne, who grew to know her quite well on their travels together." Tyrion filled his cup again.

"I don't believe you. I know this game as well," Jaime laughed.

"You're laughing. As a matter of fact, up until last night I hadn't seen you laugh in years. It appeared as if you hadn't a care in the world…as long as she was there. So, if you'd like me to apologize for my stupid, wine induced comment to the lady, then I'll apologize. I was caught in the moment and got a bit carried away."

Jaime was quiet for several moments, still looking for something in the tart red liquid in his cup. "Has it truly been years?"

"What?"

"Since you heard me laugh?"

Tyrion reached over and clutched at the sleeve of Jaime's leather jerkin. His face grew grim and his eyes, sorrowful. "To be honest, I can't remember."

"She's nothing like Cersei," Jaime said quietly, as if he were speaking to himself.

Tyrion nearly choked on his wine and began to cough. "What?" he asked, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "That's the understatement of the year!"

"No, I mean she has so much strength and decency. It's quite intimidating really," Jaime smiled a tight lipped smile, glancing over for his brother's retort. "Go ahead, say something snide."

~~~Brienne~~~

"Lady Sansa, you wanted to meet with me alone?" Brienne asked as Sansa opened the door to her solar.

"Yes Brienne, please come in. I hope you don't mind me calling you by your first name only?" Sansa asked as she motioned for Brienne to join her at her table.

"I like to think we've become close enough to skip those formalities my lady, at least when we're alone," Brienne said, removing her cloak. She wore a blue wool jerkin over a thick linen shirt and sheepskin pants. Oathkeeper was always belted at her waist, but she felt secure enough to remove her sword belt and make herself comfortable.

"I called you here under false pretenses, Brienne. Our security discussion can wait until tomorrow. Tonight I'd like to discuss Ser Jaime."

Brienne was taken aback. She swallowed hard and shifted in her seat before speaking. "Of course, my lady."

"I'll not pry into your personal affairs, but I'd be remiss if I did not ask you if your personal feelings for Ser Jaime, influenced your defense of him when he arrived in Winterfell."

Brienne sat quietly for several moments, digesting the question and wrestling with the truth of the answer. She could not nor would she lie to Sansa and yet she was deeply concerned for her position moving forward if her answer was unsatisfactory. Seconds ticked by and at last, she found her voice. "Everything I said was true. I'd hoped to have confided these events in you long before now but…they were quite personal, and with our relationship being as it is, and believing the prospect that such an inquisition would ever happen completely implausible, honor compelled me to defend him. I'd never excuse anything Ser Jaime has done prior to my taking on the responsibility of him as my prisoner, but in my experiences with him, he has shown me no cause to feel anything other than I expressed. I'd have even brought up his allowing me to cross into Riverrun to speak with your uncle the Blackfish, but that, I had already made you aware of." Brienne breathed a heavy sigh and her hands folded together in her lap.

"There's more though isn't there?" Sansa's voice was kind and filled with compassion.

"In what regard?" Brienne's eyes blinked up and open.

"Shall we share a cup? I have a feeling your journey to Kings Landing with Ser Jaime was quite the expedition. Would you share it with me—woman to woman?"

Brienne's face flushed. "I'm sure I'd only bore you my lady," she said over a soft chuckle.

"After everything that's happened to me—you know everything. Your counsel, your tender yet unyielding confidence has given me so much support and yet, I find myself feeling as if you have no one to confide in yourself."

"I'm used to it my lady," she said and then cleared her throat as emotion began to tremble her voice.

Sansa extended her hand across the table, inviting Brienne's to take it. "Let me have those cups brought in. I've known you too long not to truly know your heart. It's true, I've never known what true love feels like. Maybe someday I will but I'm not foolish enough to believe I'm even capable of something so meaningful and honest. I don't even know if I ever was." She swiped away a tear. "My mother never loved my father when they wed but she loved him immensely when he died. I want to know what it's like to actually fall in love and feel it grow inside you like a flower. Will you tell me?"

"It's not a pretty story my lady," Brienne nodded slightly and at last took Sansa's hand.

"True love is messy, as is being a woman." Sansa's eyes seemed to be looking beyond Brienne now, into a scene of memories. "Cersei once told me a woman's life is nine parts mess to one part magic, and the parts that look like magic turn out to be the messiest of all."

Brienne's head filled with remembrances of mud, blood, the foul smell of death and a steaming bath at Harrenhal. "Messy is quite the understatement," she mumbled.

Sansa gently released Brienne's hand and patted it. "I'll just get that wine."

When Brienne looked down, there were indentations in her skin where Sansa had gripped her so tightly she'd nearly stopped the circulation. Brienne had barely noticed while it was happening. Hearing Cersei's words from Sansa's lips didn't trouble her as much as the memory of Cersei's face at Joffrey's wedding feast, and the knowledge that she knew just by looking at her that she was already in love with Jaime. It was almost as if she could smell Jaime on her.

Brienne had left Sansa in tears…Sansa's tears. By the time she returned to her Chamber, Jaime was there, sitting alone at the small table holding a cup of wine. At first glance she thought he'd fallen asleep as his head was down, but as she slipped off her cloak and hung it up, the fire's glow caught the green of his eyes.

"Jaime, are you drunk again?" she said as a jest, stepping carefully towards him. "Come, it's late. Let me help you into bed."

"I love you," he whispered so low she could barely hear him. Immediately she looked around the room to make certain she was awake and heard what she thought she'd heard. He's had too much to drink, she thought. He's so sentimental and melancholy when he's drunk. She'd realized that the night before when during their lovemaking, he rambled on and on about every little thing feeling so wonderful and how he'd clung to her afterwards as if she'd abandon him.

"I'm not that drunk, so please don't put excuses in my words," he said, at last in a perfectly audible though slightly slurred voice. "I love you. I know," he said and chuckled. "I know you don't believe me and why should you?"

"Come on darling, put down the cup and let's get you into bed." She unbuckled her sword belt and then proceeded to remove the cup from his hand. His gold hand lay on the table next to him. "Here, let me help you out of these clothes."

"Yes, please, help the poor cripple out of his clothes," he slurred again.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jaime. You sound like a petulant child."

His eyes finally turned to her and he looked up into her face, now full of frustration. "Tell me you believe me. I need you to believe me."

As her expression softened, her thoughts searched for a way to tell him she did believe him. Nothing he'd ever shown her over the years proved any differently, other than actually hearing it and yet, she was afraid that anything she said in this moment would be met with his self-deprecating doubt. She decided to lie to him and face the consequences after he'd slept this off.

"No, I don't believe you. Now, get up and let me get you into my bed where I trusted you above every man in the world with my most precious gift! Get up!" she took his hand and tugged at him until he stood, and then proceeded to undress him as he watched her through sad, lidded eyes.

"Tyrion gave us his blessing," he said, now trying to kiss her.

"Stop that. Like I care about anyone's blessings—most of all his." She walked him over to the bed and pulled off his pants as she sat him down on the edge. "Ly down and please, for the love of the Gods go to sleep."

He did as she ordered for the most part but the moment she climbed in next to him beneath the furs, facing away from him, he said, "I know you believe me. I wouldn't be here otherwise."

She tossed herself over facing him and pulled the cover over her head and screamed before pulling it down again. "Maybe I was just lonely. Maybe I was tired of being a virgin. Maybe I thought I was going to die. Did any of those reasons ever cross your mind?" she shouted at him in a whisper.

"No. I know you better than anyone and don't bother denying it. I'm going to say it one last time and then I'm going to sleep. Now, come here." He squirmed forward until their thighs pressed together and he wrapped his right arm around her waist. Staring into her blue eyes he said, "I love you, you mule headed, wonderful woman."

Brienne slid her left hand up into his hair as her gaze never left his. "I love you too you arrogant, childish bastard. Go to sleep."

"One last thing; something happened at the inn. Something I can't tell you right now but just know, no matter what might have happened, the only thing I thought of in that moment was losing you."

"You're leaving me with that to sleep on?" Brienne whispered, her heart now racing to the point where she knew she'd lie awake worrying what had happened. A few moments later, the soothing sound of his deep breathing pulled her back into reality.

He's here. He's safe. All that matters is right now, she thought as she watched him sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

A light snow fell over the north as Brienne awoke, and found Jaime standing at one of the small chamber windows. He'd opened the shutters and stood wrapped in one of their furs against the cold. The air was cool and damp but oddly, the crispness didn't cause her skin to prickle or spur her to demand he shut it. It was one of the loveliest sights she'd ever seen. Mostly he was only a silhouette, with the glow of white and breaking dawn surrounding his form. She decided to lie quietly and embrace him with her spirit. She turned onto her back and stretched beneath her coverings just gazing at him, motionless and calm for as long as he stood there. He must have sensed her watching him, for only a few heartbeats later, he looked back over his shoulder and she could barely make out the smile that always melted her resolve.

"Did I wake you?" he asked quietly.

"No. I've been waking before dawn all my life. It's natural to me," she answered, folding her arms up behind her head.

"It's a shame your chamber doesn't face the east," he remarked, turning back to the view.

Brienne decided to join him and sat up, wrapping herself up as well. Her bare feet chilled against the cold, stone floor and the rushes, but remarkably, she felt refreshed and not the least bit regretful for leaving the warmth of her bed. Hearing her movement towards him, Jaime pulled her next to him beneath his fur, and skin touched skin as they stared out across the snow covered moors together.

"If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?" Jaime asked her.

"Anywhere?"

He nodded.

"I've never been to Essos. I often wondered what the free cities were like. It's very warm there you know," she giggled.

He nodded again.

"But…to be honest, I'd love to go home and visit. Not to live perhaps but…I think you'd love Tarth. Have you ever been?"

"No. I've never had the pleasure." He paused, adjusting the fur that embraced them. "I did sail past it twice; once on my way to Dorne and again sailing back."

"I'm sure it was thrilling," she said over a gentle laugh. "I assure you it's much better up close. So what did you make of that small, green blob?"

"I couldn't take my eyes off it until it disappeared over the horizon."

"Hmm, I've never heard it described quite that way before."

"It was beautiful—the water I mean. It reminded me of something." He moved behind her, embracing her until their bodies formed together as one. "Have I ever told how much I love your hair in the morning?" he asked, resting his chin on her shoulder as she clutched at the furs to keep them from falling.

"No, you haven't, but thank you." She turned her head and kissed his cheek. "I'm surprised Pod hasn't knocked yet."

"I'm not. I sent word for him to refrain from that. I hope you don't mind."

"Thank you. I don't mind at all."

Just then, Jaime laughed as his left hand rested on her stomach and he could feel it rumbling with hunger. "We'd better get dressed. Since we won't be having our breakfast carried to us, we'll need to make our way to the dining hall."

"Oh, Jaime not just yet. Can we stand here just a bit longer? It's so quiet and peaceful. I feel free and you feel lovely."

"As my lady commands," he said as he placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder and squeezed her tightly.

The dining hall had been filled with Daenerys' soldiers as well as the Northmen. Daenerys' soldiers were preparing to leave for Dragonstone. The noise was deafening and Jaime and Brienne chose to carry their bowls of oats and honey outside to the courtyard and ate together sitting on crates. They ate quickly to keep their food from getting cold.

"I'm so glad you're staying on here. Your company is a blessing," Brienne said between mouthfuls.

"A blessing? I don't know that my company has ever been described that way but I think I like it."

"Don't be ridiculous. We've all been blessed you came and I'm very thankful we survived. That's a blessing and..." Her voice softened. "We've only just found…this," she said, looking over at him. "Whatever this is and I don't want you dying on me before we figure out what we're doing."

"You haven't figured it out yet?" he said, taking a drink of hot, spiced wine.

Her eyes shot up from her bowl. "Have you?"

"I know you think I've forgotten what I said last night but I haven't."

Brienne looked down and chewed and swallowed her last mouthful. Jaime handed her the cup of wine. With so many soldiers to feed, cups were in very short supply so they shared the drink.

"Yes, I did think you'd forgotten."

"I truly wasn't drunk. Tyrion and I had barely finished one flagon when we were interrupted," he said, raising his brow and sitting his bowl down on a crate.

"Interrupted? By whom?" Her voice was filled with concern.

"Ser Bronn of the Blackwater," he answered, rocking back and stretching out his legs.

"What the hell is he doing in Winterfell?"

"He came to kill me and Tyrion on Cercei's orders. It was quite dramatic as a matter of fact. He was carrying the crossbow—Joffrey's crossbow that Tyrion used to murder our father. Are you certain you want to be a part of this family?" He chuckled.

Brienne leapt to her feet. "But Jaime, how did he…"

"Sit down and listen to me. I'm still alive so apparently we worked things out—or should I say Tyrion worked things out."

"How?"

"Highgarden. You see, Ser Bronn and I had an arrangement before my sudden departure from Kings Landing; a castle and a highborn lady for his years of service to the Lannisters. Cersei had offered him wagons of gold and Riverrun as a reward for murdering Tyrion and me but as you know, Highgarden now that…that is…"

She slowly sat down, visibly relieved. "Thank the Gods for greedy men." She sighed, staring at the ground.

"I was against it."

"Jaime! Did you want him to kill you?"

"Of course not, but when he fired that crossbow inches from my head," he said and winced. "I reluctantly agreed." He chuckled.

"One of these days if this Ser Bronn the sell-sword or something else doesn't kill you…"

His face grew dark and serious and he reached out and took her hand. "He threatened you."

"Me? He hardly knows me."

"He threatened that if we didn't comply, he'd start picking off Daenerys' generals one by one."

"But I'm not Daenerys' general. I serve Lady Sansa."

"You train her armies as much as you train the Northmen. I'd have given him the clothes off my back to keep that from happening. I know he's been watching and there's the whole, eavesdropping on Tyrion and I before he made his presence in the Inn known."

"And he heard what exactly?"

His face crinkled with embarrassment. "He may have heard me talking to Tyrion, about you. I believe his exact words when he burst into the room were, 'I knew you were fucking her'."

Brienne was speechless for a few moments. "He knew you were fucking me? Why would he think that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Knew means in the past. Why would he suspect you and I were sleeping together before two days ago?" Her eyes were filled with questions.

"Perhaps he saw something or just assumed. Really Brienne, long goodbyes, Oathkeeper, your armor, Podrick—he was my man back then and it was his job to be aware of any and everything."

The frosted breath pulsed from her lips rhythmically for several moments as she stared into his green eyes. "A part of your family?"

"What?"

"You asked was I sure I wanted to be a part of your family."

He swallowed hard as his smile flattened and his eyes seemed to darken with intent. "Yes, that's what I said."

"I did believe you last night you know. Maybe I wanted to believe it for quite some time but if I'm telling the truth, I don't know if I want to believe it. I have to go to work now. If you could return these bowls I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm sure they'll need them. Shall I meet you for supper?"

"Brienne I never meant to…"

"No, really it's all right…I'm all right. I just need to work. I need to focus on making sure Winterfell's defenses are secure and see to Lady Sansa." They stood together and Brienne leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth. He pulled her tightly against him. "You taste like warm wine but right now, I need to clear my head," she whispered, touching his stubbled cheek.

"Brienne, please. I wasn't trying to push you." He held on, studying her face but her eyes wandered beyond his shoulder. "You're the most honorable woman I know and I'll do nothing to soil that if I can help it."

"I don't know how long I've loved you, Jaime, but seven hells, I can't remember when I haven't I can't remember anything before we left Riverrun. I'm terrified. I don't know if I can do this. We'll talk about it tonight." She pushed off from him and he watched as her cloak brushed the new fallen snow as she went.


	5. Chapter 5

"Stew again," Brienne said as Jaime approached her in the dining hall. "You're late."

"Well I didn't remember us setting an exact hour to meet. I waited at your chamber but when you didn't come back to clean up before dinner," he sighed and said. "I'll just get something to eat."

When Jaime returned a few minutes later, he sat down next to her on the bench. "How was training?"

"Exhausting to be honest but I've established the watch schedule…per your advice, thank you very much," she said and smiled. "I've appointed a guard for Lady Sansa and Arya, as well as ran drills on the procedures should Winterfell come under attack."

"How many men are staying behind?"

"For now, five hundred. Once Kings Landing is taken, the remaining forces will return to Winterfell indefinitely. Of course the other Northern houses will expect their own forces to return but I'm hopeful we'll be well manned once all of this is over."

"How can I help you?" He picked up the pitcher and sniffed it. Finding it was ale and not wine he winced but motioned to fill Brienne's cup to which she nodded, and then filled his own.

"Can you brew a good ale?" she said and smiled, dipping a hunk of dark bread in her stew.

"I wish. I suppose all the good wine is gone."

"Lady Sansa has her private stock. She told me to help myself whenever I wanted."

"That's very generous of her." Jaime continued eating and grew quiet. Brienne, however, seemed to want to go on forever about training, Podrick and her aching muscles. Jaime smiled and appeared to enjoy every word. "So, is there something I can do to help you?"

"You've been incredibly helpful to me, Jaime. However, the rebuilding situation is dire. The soldiers have to work with the builders when they aren't on watch, and I have to admit, most of them are lacking in that area." She turned to him and placed her hand on his forearm. "They have a great deal of respect for you now. They've seen you fight beside them and I know how intelligent you are. Do you have any experience at all in this area?"

"I'd need to look at the drawings of the castle but I fear they were all destroyed during the battle."

"No," she said with excitement. "All of the most important documents were sealed in the crypts before the battle to preserve them. I could have them brought to the library and you could study them and perhaps assist the masons and carpenters with which areas require the most attention first."

Jaime's green eyes glowed in the candlelight. "I believe I could do that." He sighed, shifting in his seat to face her. "You don't know how much this means to me, Brienne. I have to admit, I was beginning to feel quite useless without a sword in my hand. I suppose this is far more constructive—being a part of building something instead of tearing it apart."

"It's settled then. I'll speak with Lady Sansa in the morning." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Brienne, I was wondering if you'd written to Lord Selwyn to let him know you're alive and well?"

"I did actually. I sent a raven off yesterday or at least I gave the message to Samwell to send for me. I'm sure there was a line of messages but hopefully it will reach him within the fortnight."

Jaime spooned the stew into his mouth quickly and took a long drink of ale. "Are you heading to your chamber when you're finished?"

"You mean you can't smell me from there?" She laughed. "I need a hot bath so yes."

"I have something I need to attend to. I'll meet you there shortly. Save me some hot water. I'm a bit smelly myself." He kissed her goodbye and was gone.

One of the many advantages Brienne was grateful for as a commander was the bathtub. Although she longed to try the hot springs, and experience their therapeutic properties she'd heard so much about from Lady Sansa, there were far too many people in Winterfell still and she didn't want to risk being seen. Her large copper tub suited her just fine anyway, as well as the luscious oils and soaps her chambermaid so kindly provided her with.

"Thank you Helena," Brienne said as the maid helped her place a large bathing cloth in the tub as a liner and then brought in buckets of snow to melt over the fire for her bath. "It is quite a process but it's so worth it."

"Yes milady," Helena curtsied as they alternated filling the tub. Brienne didn't mind anyone calling her my lady, despite her new rank and title. After all, she was still the Lady of Tarth and would be for the rest of her days whether she lived there or not.

After half an hour, the tub was finally filled, and Helena poured a soothing lavender oil into the water. Almost immediately, the entire chamber was perfumed with the aroma. "Do you make these oils yourself?" Brienne asked her.

"No milady. My sister Emilia did and she had dozens of them stored in her hut in Wintertown."

"Please thank her for me will you? I love the lavender and the winter rose fragrance as well."

"I can't milady. She was killed down in the crypts during the battle." Helena lowered her head and used her apron to wipe a tear away.

The reality of the personal losses to the northern people struck Brienne hard, being this close. "You have my condolences. Thank you, Helena. That will be all for tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

Helena scooped up Brienne and Jaime's laundry and tied it in their dirty sheets. She curtsied and was gone.

Brienne quickly disrobed and climbed into the tub. Holding onto the sides, she lowered herself into the nearly scalding water and leaned back, resting her head. As with all bathtubs, she had to lie back with her knees bent up due to the length of her legs. Even in an upright sitting position, she'd have to bend her knees. She wondered what was keeping Jaime but within minutes, her mind wandered to their first night together and how they'd taken no precaution during their sex to prevent the possibility of a child. She thought she'd already come to terms with that possibility, but with the revelations of his feelings for her now and hers for him, now out in the open; she began to imagine his words of family and what that actually meant.

She'd fantasized for years of what it would be like to make love to him but the idea of being his Lady and the mother of his children had never entered her mind until it all became a reality…or almost all. She trusted him with her life and he hadn't failed her. He has failed others, she thought, but not her. He'd never given her a reason not to trust him and yet the shadow of Cersei lingered. The weave of their history could reach around the world and beyond. Although she'd taken down some of the greatest fighters in Westeros, competing for a man's love was not in her repertoire.

"What are you doing?" she said aloud to herself.

"Am I interrupting something?" Jaime said as he entered the chamber quietly and bolted the door.

"Of course not," she smiled, lying back in the water. "What do you have there?"

"I thought this room could use a bit of color." He produced a beautiful bouquet of winter roses and carried them to her where she lay.

"Oh, Jaime, they're lovely. I believe there's a vase in the cupboard beneath the window."

He rummaged around and said, "Ah ha," when he found it, and then slowly dipped the vase into the tub for a bit of water. "I'm no flower expert but how's this?" he asked, arranging the roses in the vase on the table.

"Perfect," she purred, smiling at him.

"This room smells like a spring garden in Dorne."

"I told you. Helena brought me a few bottles of bath oil."

Jaime removed his jerkin and boots and pulled one of the roses from the vase on his way to her side as she soaked. "Feeling better?" he asked, leaning over to kiss her.

"Much." She reached up with one languorous arm and slid her hand around the back of his neck, pulling him harder into their kiss. "Even more so now," she said when their lips parted.

Securing the rose in his gold hand, he plucked its blue petals and began dropping them gently into her bath water. Her breathing hitched at the sight of his left hand and how much pleasure he'd given her with it.

"Jaime, will you please remove your gold hand?"

He didn't say a word but simply began removing the straps and slipping it off. He seemed to still be quite uncomfortable at the sight of the stump where his sword hand used to be, although Brienne had been with him when it happened and knew the how and why. It was a part of him; that was all, but she couldn't help that her heart always ached when she looked at it, only because she knew it pained him. As strange as it might seem to anyone else, she loved that scar, as much if not more than every other beautiful inch of him and she worried more about the internal scars than any of the others on his body.

"May I?" he asked, lifting the wash cloth where it hung draped over the side of the tub.

"Oh please do. You may want to take off your shirt first, so it doesn't get wet."

She watched breathlessly as he swept the shirt up and over his head and then sat up, and reached for his hand. Jaime went down on one knee beside the tub and wrapped his arms around her in the water, kissing her so deeply she thought he might steal the life out of her. She kissed him back in kind believing fair was fair and she'd take his as well. He was half in the tub with her and half out. The water sloshed and splashed as they wrestled, pawing and groping each other's flesh relentlessly.

Brienne pulled back from him roughly and said, "This is ridiculous. Take your pants off and get in here," and rose to her feet abruptly. "Come on before the water cools."

Jaime pulled on the drawstring, releasing himself from his pants in seconds and then climbed in. He lowered himself into the water and laid back, his arms draping over the sides as he looked up at her in the glow of the firelight. Her pale skin was flawless, and in this light, her bruises and wounds were barely visible. "Brienne," he started to say but she shushed him and lowered herself onto his thighs.

He was already beyond aroused when she touched him beneath the water, but she brought him to fullness easily with smooth, gentle strokes of her hand, as well as the pools of deep blue that captured him in her sensual gaze. Unable to resist, his eyes traveled down the length of her neck, pausing to admire each droplet of water as it twinkled in the firelight against the skin of the small, delicate breasts that he adored. His mouth went dry, when he noticed how those droplets clung to the pink rosebuds that tipped them. One blue petal teased him cruelly as it clung to her throat. It made him jealous, and he wanted to pluck it off and replace it with his mouth. But it wasn't until she brought him under her and sheathed him deep within her, that he found the courage to breathe.


	6. Chapter 6

Throughout the following week, a change fell over Winterfell. The rebuilding was slow but now that Jaime had taken over the responsibility of overseeing the restoration, the process had become more organized and progress had taken the place of chaos. As Lady Sansa and Brienne watched from the courtyard, Jaime noticed her and gave her a confident nod, intent on proving yet again his loyalty not only to the northern cause but to the people themselves, and their need for optimism and a return to peace, even temporarily.

His days were obscenely long and arduous but the work had given him so much purpose that the effects of that optimism spilled over into his very spirit. Brienne was the soul of encouragement. Most of her time was now spent simply overseeing the guards and maintaining the system she'd put in place. Although her hours were long as well, she was contented beyond any level of joy she'd ever experienced.

Almost everything she'd ever wanted was coming to fruit. She had a fulfilling and honorable vocation, a home filled with warmth and respect and the man she'd never had the courage to believe would be by her side to share it all with. Only one thing gnawed at her relentlessly, the moment she was idle; could anything so satisfying truly last.

At the end of every evening, supper would be hot and ready in the dining hall. They ate together, bathed together, made love together, slept together and then awoke each morning just before dawn to do it all again. Everything felt so normal, so natural and yet at a second of silence, she'd feel a tremble in her heart, reminding her that nothing this wonderful will ever last. The war with Cersei and Kings Landing was coming and there was nothing she could do to stop it. How that conflict could shred her happiness like wet parchment pushed her to appreciate every waking moment she and Jaime shared. Not just where they were now but where they'd been and everything they'd shared.

Brienne was never the sort to converse about things that happened. She'd discussed her journey with Jaime, with Sansa and filled in most of the blanks as to how and why they grew so close but only to enlighten her and only at her behest. Brienne would never take it upon herself to share her most intimate emotions and experiences with anyone, including Lady Sansa unless she felt obligated to do so. However, she felt as if since Jaime had arrived, they hadn't spoken of any of it. It was if they simply fell into each other and held on, clinging to each other while the world around them played on like a band or steadily beating drum while they picked out their own tune one note at a time. The understanding was there but she believed they both needed to put the words to the music or the song would never be complete.

Finally, after an entire week of normal, comfortable and wonderful, she broke her silence. They were walking hand in hand back to the chamber they'd been sharing when Brienne produced a bottle of wine from Sansa's private stock…Arbor Gold.

"Where did you get that?" Jaime asked and then smiled, taking the bottle from her hand. "Ah, the lady has connections."

"Well, she did say to help myself," Brienne said coyly.

"A wine like this isn't for soaking in the tub. So, what's the occasion?" Jaime asked as she took his arm.

"No occasion really; I just thought it would be nice to sit by the fire and chat a bit tonight."

"Trust me you don't want to hear about the drudgery of restoration, the complaints, the shortage of lumber and stone…it's all very dull and boring."

"Perhaps you're right," she said, glancing over at him from the corner of her eye. "I know, we can play Tyrion's game. That would be fun, right?"

"That depends," he said turning to take her in an embrace. "Are we wearing clothes?"

"Jaime you're encourageable," she said, pushing him away gently with a giggle. "How about only small clothes, will that be agreeable? I'll meet you half way."

As they approached the door and he opened it, waving her in ahead of him, he answered, "I consent my lady."

Once they'd washed and put on clean small clothes, Jaime stoked the fire until the room glowed with warmth. Brienne cleared the floor in front of the hearth, sweeping away the rushes and laying two fur blankets in their place. "Come on, sit her with me."

Jaime brought the bottle of wine and their wine cups and lowered himself onto the furs. "Are you sure about this? I know we'd be much more comfortable sitting on the bed."

"Yes, I'm sure we would, but sometimes being uncomfortable is a good thing," she said sarcastically and then positioned herself opposite him, sitting cross legged until their knees touched. "Okay, you pour."

Jaime filled both their cups and sat down the bottle, giving her a suspicious look that caused her heart to flutter in her chest. "Okay, we both know how to play this game so if you'd like, I'll start."

Jaime held up his cup and nodded, with an expression that conveyed a curiosity she was now apprehensive to satisfy. However, she'd come this far so she had to see it through.

"So, let me explain how I've decided to make this game our own."

"Oh so you lured me here under false pretenses? My lady, I'm shocked," he said teasing her.

"I did," she said softly, and soberly. "But I believe this is long overdue." She watched his face slip from a curious smile to an inquiring stare. "Instead of simply drinking if the other person is right, we drink and then discuss the statement." She held her breath a moment.

"Let's see, I had two glasses of bitter ale with dinner. I'm not sure I've had enough to drink yet for this game," he said over an anxious chuckle. "But, I agreed so I suppose you have me cornered."

"Okay," she paused and took a deep breath. "When we met, you were very unkind to me."

"That's putting it mildly," he flushed with shame and lowered his head as he spoke.

"Wait I'm not finished. And yet, you saved me from Locke and his companions. Why did you do that?"

There was a long silence as Jaime drank almost half his cup of wine. "Why do you catch a tipping cup before it spills or snatch a child before he falls or sheath your sword when you know your opponent is outmatched?"

"Well most people do those things because it's a reaction or what some call second nature. So, you're saying it was your nature to protect me."

"You were innocent. You were only there because of me," he said. His voice was low and deep as it often became when he was either serious or concerned. Brienne wasn't sure which yet but she felt she was only scratching the surface.

"It was the honorable thing to do then?"

"I didn't want your honor or the destruction of it to be on my hands and as it turns out, I ended up with only one hand to worry about," he said, raising his cup and drinking. "My turn." He said, giving her a hardened glance. "If I hadn't shown up here, and I lived—post war of course, whatever war just pick one, and we ran into each other at an inn on the road somewhere, would you have acknowledged me?"

Brienne's brow crinkled in thought. "No."

"No?" he shouted and laughed. "Just no?"

"Your honor and dedication to duty is one of the most attractive things about you. If you'd have adhered to the lie that the Lannister army was coming north and then stayed behind when the lie was exposed, I'd have lost all respect for you and in that, I'd want nothing more to do with you. You'd have basically made me your fool."

"Well that's quite rigid of you," he said, as her face turned to shock. "But, knowing you as I do I would understand and make no attempt to engage you."

"My turn," she said, shifting about and leaning forward until he couldn't avoid eye contact with her. "At Harrenhal, was it your intention to tell me what happened with Aerys or did it just sort of…"

"Stop. If you wanted to speak to me about everything that we've been through together, we didn't need to play a game. You can simply ask me, Brienne," he said, refilling her cup. "Come here," he said, sitting down the bottle and taking her free hand.

The next thing she knew, they were spooned together on the rug in front of the fire. The flames danced in their eyes. "I can tell you my whole life story if you like. I can tell you how Aerys hated my father, or feared him—perhaps both. I can tell you how he put that white cloak on me to keep me close like a hostage in order to keep my father's loyalty and to use me as a pawn. Do you want to go back that far?"

"I want you to tell me everything that mattered to you then and matters still, especially if it's something that pains you. I want to carry those burdens with you and maybe it will lighten them."

"None of that matters to me anymore, Brienne. I can't…" his voice trailed off and the hand that had been playing with her hair and stroking her shoulder stilled.

"You can't what?" she asked, sitting up and turning to look at him. She needed to see his face when he spoke.

"I've never done this before. I've never been with a woman like this before. I've never done this; any of this."

"Are you saying you feel like your acting a part?"

"No, not acting." His face twisted. "I can't fool you can I?" he asked as he sat up facing her and she clutched his hand to her chest. "What I'm saying is you deserve the world. You deserve someone who knows who they are and what they are."

"Jaime, I know who you are and what you are. You're the only person who doesn't."

"Is this that 'If you could see what I see' discussion?"

"Please don't mock me. You know how I hate that."

"Yes! I know how you hate that! I know how you hate injustice and sour wine and boiled turnips and how your face turns red when I whisper in your ear. I know all of these things and yet…"

"And yet you're still afraid of this life?" she interrupted, her eyes welling with tears.

Jaime pulled back his hand slowly and pushed himself to his feet. "I'm not afraid," he whispered as he stood over her.

"Don't you think I know? Don't you think I can feel it in your touch sometimes? Do you believe me so naive that I don't know you well enough to understand this isn't your life?"

"What do you mean? I've told you how I feel. I've given up my home, my very life as I knew it to be here, to be with you."

Brienne scrambled to her feet and took his face in her hands. "And you have doubts and I need you to know it's all right. I opened my door to you. I let you in. I didn't have to. I didn't feel some, I don't know, some debt was owed so I'd just give myself to you that night. I've loved you for years but I wouldn't allow myself to believe you felt the same for me."

"Why? Why not?"

"Why would I? You're beautiful and brave, and I made myself believe you did all those things for me out of duty and honor. All the insults; true or even simply in jest. If you were me would you believe that Jaime Lannister loved you?"

"Then why hadn't I done any of those things for anyone else?"

"Opportunity? I don't know you tell me!"

His eyes were wet now as well and what were simply handsome green irises moments ago now burned like wildfire. "Your innocence! Your Damned innocence! I'd never known anyone so pure and real and true. My entire life has been nothing but corruption and soiled linen. Once I thought I could be like you but I threw it all away years ago. I allowed that corruption to spread through me until it was all I could feel. You were glory and light and truth—all the things I knew I could never be."

"But you are those things now. You are," she said, kissing him until his arms captured her so tightly she could scarcely breathe.

"In your eyes, Brienne. In your eyes but all the rest, they see what they see," he whispered, breaking their kiss.

"I don't care what they see. I only care about what I know."

"I don't know when or how but I do know why. I do love you. Perhaps in time all of this will feel normal and right. Perhaps I'll even learn to appreciate the north even if it doesn't grow on me. Can we just enjoy the now and not worry about tomorrow or next week or anything else when we're in this room?"

"I won't pretend I'm not frightened I'll lose you as I always have. I won't pretend this world will tear us apart the first chance it gets. All I ask is time. Give us time to figure all this out. Give us a chance to find our place in this world. I know we can be happy together. I know in time, you will see what I know is true."

"I'm here aren't I? I know the world is falling apart right now and I should be happy and grateful for this and I'm trying, Brienne. I swear I am. Can you give me that?"

"Yes, Jaime. Yes," she said, kissing him again, until a moment later, they were tangled together on the floor, covered in wine soaked fur.


	7. Chapter 7

"Ser Brienne," she heard Lady Sansa call to her as she and Jaime were leaving the dining hall after breakfast. "May we have a word?"

"Of course my Lady," Brienne replied. Jaime nodded to her and carried on to his work.

Brienne approached Sansa as she stood from the head table. "Yes, my Lady?"

"Walk with me. It's been a while since I've been to the Godswood."

"Of course," Brienne said.

"Every day I thank the Gods the Heart Tree wasn't damaged in the battle. It feels as if it's the last connection I have to my father."

"But you have all of Winterfell to remind you my Lady."

"What's left of it," she said, stepping around a group of workers piling rubble into wagons.

"I'm certain it will be restored before the spring comes again—perhaps even sooner now that Ser Jaime is in charge of things."

"Yes, he seems to have things well in hand, but for how long?" Sansa asked looking up at her, and then walking on.

"For how long?" Brienne said, confused at the question.

"Brienne, a raven came this morning from your father."

"Oh, thank goodness. Does Maester Tarley have it? I can't wait to see his hand writing."

"He sent it to me, Brienne."

They continued walking and passed beneath the now broken archway and entered the Godswood. Brienne was confused and yet she held her tongue until they reached the Heart tree. "Lady Sansa, I don't understand."

Sansa turned to her. Her expression was solemn and concerning. "Your father is unhappy with the situation. Apparently, someone else sent him a raven as well. He was less than pleased."

"I still don't understand. May I please read his reply?"

Sansa reached into her cloak and produced the scroll and handed it to Brienne. "There is also one addressed to Ser Jaime. Most likely he'll receive it shortly," Sansa added.

Lady Stark,

I am most dismayed that the Kingslayer wrote to me about my only daughter, Brienne. I'm as proud as any father could be that she fought bravely for Winterfell and survived. However, my daughter will marry a Lannister over my dead body. Please find some way to diffuse this union or I fear my house will be forever shamed and my daughter shall lose her right as heir to Tarth. I'm set to marry again soon. A young wife will hopefully give me a son. I bequeath you to end this foolishness and convince Brienne to put this behind her.

Lord Selwyn Tarth of Evenfall

"But I don't understand. Where would my father get the idea that Jaime and I would be married?"

"Don't you want to marry Ser Jaime?" Sansa asked.

"Of course I do but now is not the time. There's a war coming in the south within days. Who's to know what that will bring? I may be called again to fight."

"The Dragon Queen has more than enough soldiers, Brienne. Besides, you're needed here in Winterfell."

"Then why did you say for how long in regards to Ser Jaime?"

"Tyrion and I spoke the morning he left three days ago for Dragonstone. We spoke about you and Ser Jaime, as well as other things. Tyrion believes Jaime loves you but his first and last loyalties have always been his family; namely, his sister."

A knot began to twist and tie in Brienne's stomach, rising swiftly to her throat. She swallowed it down repeatedly but it continued to climb. "But Cersei has the Lannister Army and the Golden Company, surely Tyrion didn't believe Jaime could be of any help to them."

"Kings Landing will fall Brienne. You've seen what those dragons are capable of. Even with the green one injured, they're still deadly. There isn't an army in the world that could stand against them."

Brienne nodded in understanding. "So Tyrion believes Jaime will leave to be with his sister should things become dire."

Sansa reached out and took Brienne's gloved hand, holding tightly as she spoke. "Tyrion knows his brother. As much as you believe you know him well and I know you do, Tyrion knows the Jaime you do not. Tyrion's known him his entire life. I only want to prepare you because I can't bear to see you hurt."

"I still don't understand how my father knows about Jaime and I. I know, we haven't been discreet about our relationship but someone must have told him."

"Jaime must have sent a raven the same day you did, telling your father not only of your bravery but perhaps of his intentions with you."

Brienne felt sick. Why would Jaime send a raven to her father and not tell her? She thought. "If Ser Jaime sent that raven to ask my father for my hand, then Tyrion's concerns over Jaime leaving to go to Kings Landing are unfounded."

"Perhaps," Sansa said and turned towards the Heart tree. "Tyrion said he believes Jaime will try to convince Cersei to surrender and beg the Queen to spare her life."

"I don't understand any of this. Why would he do that?"

"Brienne, I'm only telling you this because you have a right to know. Cersei is with child; Jaime's child."

Brienne's gasp was heart wrenching. The sobs that followed were worse. Sansa caught her before she fell to her knees in the snow and pulled her up. "Brienne, listen to me. Tyrion believes Jaime loves you, not Cersei. He's only doing this for the child. He believes queen Daenerys will spare Cersei's life until the child is born at least. He doesn't believe her cruel enough to execute a pregnant woman."

"I can't live with this. It isn't in me to keep a man from his own child, but what good will it do him to go when I know Queen Daenerys is going to win? I know the moment it appears the battle is not going her way, she will destroy everything and everyone in her path to get to Cersei and that includes Jaime if he's there."

"Brienne I won't lie to you. Yes, Ser Jaime fought well for Winterfell and yes, he proved his honor on the battlefield but there are things he's done that I simply cannot forgive. Every time I look at my little brother, I see the damage he's done."

Brienne glared at her but held her feelings deep inside.

"You have been a faithful and loyal shield to me and my family and I ask that you stay in my service indefinitely. However, should you choose to follow Ser Jaime when he is forced to choose and hear me, he will choose, I will hold no ill will towards you."

"I am your faithful servant Lady Sansa on my honor. Thank you for your honesty."

Sansa reached into her cloak and pulled out the second scroll. It was Lord Selwyn's response to Brienne.

My Dearest Daughter,

My heart swells with pride. Celebration of your knighthood and success in battle will be held here on Tarth within the fortnight. If only you could come home to celebrate with us. I'll be taking a new young bride and we will combine the events and raise our cups to you across the seas and snow. Come home daughter. Come home. Nine years is too long not to look upon you.

With Love,

Your Father Lord Selwyn Tarth of Evenfall

"He didn't even mention Jaime," Brienne said quietly. "Only requesting that I come home."

"Perhaps a visit will soothe him and then you can return?"

"I'll need to think on it a while…a long while." A single tear was left. She held it in place.

Brienne wasn't feeling well in the late afternoon and left her post early to return to her chamber. She requested a bath. She sank into the water, praying to wash away everything she'd carried with her all day but instead, every word bubbled to the surface, racking her body with sobs.

This is all too much. I knew everything was too perfect. I should have known this was all a dream and I'd wake up and watch it fade before my eyes, she thought as she splashed water over her face. But she loved him—seven hells she loved him, regardless of his family, his baby or his past. Whatever magic it was that allowed her to see into his heart, she turned to the fire and cursed it all away. Fuck magic! She thought. It's an illusion. It's a lie. She told herself and yet a moment later, she'd close her eyes and see his face, and in his deep green pools, his very soul.

Her mood changed from moment to moment and she prayed again. She prayed that Lady Sansa hadn't told her about the baby, or Tyrion or his suspicions. Then she succumbed to her passions and longed for Jaime to walk through the door and take her in his arms, and kiss the pain and doubt away. Then the realization of the deepest pain struck her so hard she sat upright in the tub, splashing water everywhere.

Where there is life, there is always hope, she thought. He loves his child. That is honorable. He loves his family. That is honorable too, but to die? That is the end of every possibility of a future life for him. She'd loved him for years knowing he loved his sister. She'd hidden her heart away and scorned all memory of him until the day she saw him at Riverrun again. Him in that damned Lannister armor or that damned white horse—honor he called it and his fucking sword, that reminded her of him every time she touched the golden lion on the pommel.

It was pointless. It was all beyond her control. All she had left was hope; hope he'd stay in Winterfell, hope he loved her as much as she loved him and hope that he would live, regardless of who he lived for wherever he was in the world.

Fucking hell Jaime, you've come so far. Just please, just don't die!

She had just relaxed back into the water and closed her eyes when she heard the door open. Instinctively she covered herself with her hands and opened her eyes to find Jaime standing over her with a tray of food.

"Hungry?"

"Jaime, what…"

"I heard you weren't feeling well so I figured I'd bring supper to you." He smiled, placing the tray down on the table. "Have you been crying? Shall I call the Maester?"

"No! I mean, no I'm fine." She scooted down and dunked her head beneath the water, sweeping back her hair as she sat up. "Come here to me," she whispered.

Jaime removed his cloak and doublet and walked to the tub. He knelt down next to her until they were eye to eye. "What is it?"

"Nothing. Your face is all I need to make me well." She took his face in her hands and kissed him.

"I can think of many other more satisfying ways to make you feel better. Finish your bath before your food gets cold." He slid his hand into her wet hair and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead before he stood.

She watched as he undressed and she forced the cracks in her heart back together with reason instead of knowledge.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" he asked, smiling back at her.

"Like what?" she asked, startled. "I don't know. It's just that sometimes, I still can't believe we're here, together, like this." A tear rolled down her cheek and she swiped it away, hoping he didn't see.

His smile fell away. "Are you certain you're all right?"

I don't know how much time we have left together but I won't soil it with dread, she thought and smiled wide at him. "I'm wonderful."

She knew the truth, the only truth that mattered…stay here, stay alive and there's hope.


	8. Chapter 8

Jaime had barely slept. The sun hadn't come up yet and he lay in the darkness next to Brienne as she slept peacefully. His mind raced and wandered, thinking about the message he'd received from Selwyn Tarth. The words played over and over in his mind, driving him mad.

Lannister,

How dare you request my daughter's hand and speak of love? Brienne will never marry an oath breaker. You could have all the gold in Westeros and still never be good enough for her. You'll ruin her. You'll never have my blessing ~ nor her birthright.

Lord Selwyn Tarth of Evenfall

He turned and looked over at her in the dying fire light. He'd watched her sleep off and on for several hours and she hadn't moved. He wondered how she slept so peacefully, so still but then again, she didn't have her father's words hanging over her as he did. He knew he had to tell her. She trusted him and he trusted her. Not telling her would be a violation of that trust and prove Selwyn Tarth right.

He started to turn towards her and hold her but the words wouldn't stop repeating. "You'll ruin her." He wondered if he'd already ruined her by coming to her that night and making love to her. He wondered if their entire relationship and the weeks they'd spent together in Winterfell was a mistake, but how could such a love be a mistake? He thought. In a world like this—a world that could collapse into oblivion at any moment, love was all that mattered now. Whether it be the love between them, love of home…love of family, that was truly all there was left. That's what had kept them alive through everything they'd been through together over the past six years.

Fuck Selwyn Tarth and his damned island, Jaime thought.

Brienne sighed and turned at last, facing him. His eyes were open but lidded when Brienne awoke. She smiled at him and reached out, pulling him in close to her.

"Good morning," she whispered pressing her forehead to his.

"Good morning," he whispered back. "You slept well. I know because I watched."

"What kept you awake? I hope you aren't worried about me not feeling well. I'm much better and if you watched me sleep, you know I'm quite well." She giggled soft and low.

Jaime wrapped his right arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him; her head rested on his chest as she curled into him. "I need to tell you something."

"Of course. You know you can tell me anything."

He swallowed hard—so hard Brienne could hear it with her ear pressed to his bare chest. "I sent a raven to your father. I asked for his blessing for your hand."

Brienne didn't move. "And he denied you of course."

Jaime lifted his head and looked down at the top of hers. "How did you know?"

"He sent a letter to Lady Sansa, asking for her help in separating us." Brienne giggled. "As if anyone could do that."

He sighed with relief but continued. "He said," Jaime paused. "You'll ruin her."

"I suppose it's a bit late for that now isn't it?" She said, placing soft kisses on his chest.

He stared down at her with a look of horror.

"I'm ruined through and through Jaime Lannister—ruined with love and sex and all of those things that the Gods use to destroy us all." She pushed herself up until her face hovered over his. "Those old rules do not apply anymore. Do you understand?" Her eyes pierced his through the shadows that wrapped them together. "If loving you like this has ruined me, then I'd rather be ruined with you than have a thousand islands or titles." She leaned down and kissed him deeply, stirring him to the wanton desire for her that now lurked so closely beneath the surface of his being that he was helpless to control it. He pushed her roughly onto her back and was deep inside of her a moment later.

"I'll ruin you, Brienne. Every night for the rest of my bloody life and every morning," he thrusted into her with every word he spoke. "Every afternoon and every moment I can have you alone like this and I hope…I hope the Gods are all watching."

She broke into laughter and swept her long fingers through his messy hair. "Watching? Why?"

"So they can laugh at what broken, weak and wonderful creatures we are. They'll see they can't destroy us. Not yet."

When Jaime and Brienne met for supper, they sat alone together and exchanged knowing looks, both remembering their most intense if not rigorous sexual experience that morning. He'd smile seductively and she'd blush, giggle and squirm in her seat, reminded of the lion in her bed, with anticipation of what might happen later that evening. He reached over and took her hand, rubbing her palm gently with his fingertips then pulling it to his mouth and placing a kiss on her knuckles.

"Well, there you are," Samwell Tarley said as he approached them. "You asked to see me, Ser Jaime?"

"Yes, please join us," Jaime said, making room on the bench next to him.

"How can I be of service?" Sam asked, smiling at Brienne and then turning back to Jaime.

"Ser Brienne has agreed to marry me. She has agreed to allow me to ruin her life," Jaime said sarcastically.

"Jaime!" Brienne said. "Don't pay a bit of attention to him Sam…may I call you Sam?"

"Well…Sam is my name my Lady…I mean Ser," Sam chuckled nervously.

"When can you do it?" Jaime asked.

"I'll be here at Winterfell for quite a while so I suppose, whenever you both would like to do it." Sam's head seemed to nod and bob quite unconsciously and his smile turned up and down nervously.

"What do we need to do? I've never been married so I have no idea how it all works," Jaime said.

"Oh and neither have I," Brienne added, her smile widening with curiosity.

"You just need to say the words and then you sign the marriage agreement and, well, I record it and that's it," he said, watching them as Brienne gazed into Jaime's eyes and held his hand.

"Meet us in the Godswood at dawn," Jaime said.

"The...the Godswood you say. I didn't realize you followed the old Gods," Sam remarked, looking from one smile to the other and back again.

"The others haven't done me much good, Sam," Jaime said. "I say let's give the old one's a chance."

"I agree," Brienne said, raising her cup in a toast.

"To the old Gods then," Jaime said, raising his cup as well.

"Well then, I'll see you both at dawn." Samwell stood and bowed awkwardly to them, and went away.

"Are you nervous my Lady?" Jaime asked.

"Just a bit. I hope we're doing the right thing."

Jaime took her hand again and squeezed it. "Nothing in this world could be more right, Brienne. We both know it."

"But…can you be happy here, in Winterfell?"

"I thought we agreed to live in the now and appreciate every moment we have together? Of course I'm happy. I'd be happy in a damn hovel in the snow as long as we're together."

Brienne glanced around the room. She hadn't realized how loud they were speaking. "Perhaps it's time to go," she whispered, as the grins facing her turned back to their supper. "I'm going to speak with Lady Sansa. I'll see you in about an hour."

Jaime smiled weakly and they walked together out of the hall. "Are you concerned with what she'll say?"

Brienne turned to him, and took him by his sleeves. "No. I'm not concerned in the least. I'm not concerned with what anyone thinks or says. I love you and we're going to be married in the morning."

"Good," he said, and kissed her goodbye.

"So you're going through with it," Lady Sansa said, as her hand maid poured them each a cup of spiced wine.

"We are. I'm sure to most people this seems sudden but as you know, Ser Jaime and I have known each other for quite a few years."

"Sudden or not, it's your choice. You're both adults and can choose for yourselves. However," Sansa said, sitting back in her chair. "Have you given any more thought to what we discussed yesterday?"

"Tyrion you mean?" Brienne asked, taking a sip of wine. "Yes. Yes I have. It was all I could think about for hours after we spoke. However, as much as I understand Jaime's loyalty to his…his family, I believe he is loyal to me now, and should the time come that he may doubt that loyalty, I'll have to trust his decision and believe he's doing what he feels is right."

Sansa pulled herself up straight in her chair. "You mean if he leaves you to go back to Kings Landing?"

"Yes," she answered and looked down into her cup.

"You're willing to live with that or more so, to suffer that?"

"Lady Sansa, Jaime and I have spoken of our devotion to each other at length. We're but weeks away from the battle here and from nearly dying. Who belongs to whom isn't what drives us. We choose to live today and the next and the day after that if we're still here."

"But marriage is…" Sansa said as her voice softened. Brienne assumed she was thinking of her own experiences and how horrible they'd been. "I suppose one day of happiness is worth a thousand days of misery." Sansa sat back. "What of your father?"

"What of him? He has his life on Tarth and I have mine here. I spent my life in service to others and I intend to continue that for as long as I can. Jaime understands that. He doesn't expect a conventional life with me. However, should there be children; I am still traditional enough to want them to have their father's name."

"Children?"

"Although speaking of it does cause me a great deal of discomfort," She said, looking away. "Ser Jaime has fathered three children so yes, there's a very good possibility he will again." Brienne's cheeks were flushed with wine or shyness.

"I understand." Sansa sat up again and sat quietly for a moment.

"I'd love it if you'd join us tomorrow morning," Brienne said softly.

"I envy you, you know."

"Envy me? Why?"

"You're willing to sacrifice so much for what could be such a brief time of happiness. Most people don't have five minutes of love so in some ways, what you have is almost a miracle."

"I often believe this has all been a dream, and then he takes my hand, or smiles, and all of the years he didn't do those things just fade away and I think, that was the dream; this is the reality."

They sat quietly for several moments and then Sansa finally spoke. "So, what are you wearing?"

Brienne looked down at her leathers, wool pants and dirty boots and smiled.

"That won't do at all."

"Well, it's a bit too late to find something to fit me My Lady, and I honestly don't believe it matters."

"Of course it matters. I have a few things that will do beautifully. Stand up and let me get your measurements."

"You're quite the seamstress My Lady but…"

"Just stand still. I'm not making something from scratch. I'll be making alterations. You're not too much taller than me and I have plenty of fabric," Sansa said as she pulled her measuring strip from her sewing box and went to work.

"I don't know how I'll ever repay you," Brienne said, as Sansa measure the length of her arms and the width of her shoulders.

"There's only one problem."

"What is that My Lady?"

"Shoes but perhaps we can…" she said and stopped, obviously figuring things out. "Come here to my chamber before dawn. Poor Ser Jaime has no idea what he's in for." She smiled.

Brienne rushed back to her chamber and found Jaime asleep. "He sleeps," she whispered to herself as she undressed and slipped in next to him. The sun had barely set but she remembered he'd hardly slept at all the night before. His worries are gone, she thought. Her heart fluttered in her chest thinking about the morning and it was an hour before she too joined him in slumber.

Jaime wore his black cloak over his cleanest leather doublet, a crisp white linen shirt and his red scarf was tied neatly around his neck. He'd even cleaned and polished his boots. He stood next to Samwell beneath the Heart tree waiting, as one by one and two by two, a group of curious and uninvited wedding guests began to arrive. He wondered how they'd heard but it didn't matter. Invited or not, they came to the first wedding in Winterfell in the new world.

"Good morning Ser Jaime, Maester Tarley," they said one by one as they approached them and stood in a half circle around the tree.

Within minutes, Jaime believed all of Winterfell had come to join them. He felt himself begin to swell with emotion and pushed it down with a deep sigh and a hard swallow. He'd save that for his bride. Suddenly, the woods fell silent and a snow began to flurry down around them. He looked down at his hand and watched as a snowflake landed and then melted on his glove. He stared at it for a moment, remembering this happening before—the day he left Kings Landing. He believed it was a sign from the old Gods—a good sign and a moment later, a whoosh of soft sighs raised his eyes.

Lady Sansa walked towards him slowly but he could see Brienne following her footsteps in the freshly falling snow. His breath caught in his throat and his heart pounded so hard against his chest, his left hand flew to it, uselessly trying to stop it.

Brienne was lovelier than he'd ever seen her. Her hair was loose and lay in lazy curls around her face, with a band of blue winter roses like a tiara on top.

"Ser Jaime," Sam whispered over his shoulder. "Ser Jaime, don't forget to breathe."

Jaime barely heard him but he did breathe, and swallow and breathe again as she grew closer. She carried a bouquet of winter roses to match her head band. Her gown was cream wool and linen, and her bodice trimmed in gold embroidery. She wore a blue silken scarf loosely wrapped about her neck and shoulders and as completely strange and unlike her as it was to dress this way, she glowed like a goddess. This was a memory he knew he would take with him to his grave.

There were already tears in her eyes when she stood before him and handed her bouquet to Lady Sansa.

"Please join hands and say the words," Sam said.

Brienne had insisted Jaime not wear his golden hand and although reluctantly, he did oblige and she cradled his left hand between hers.

"Father, Smith, Warrior. Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am hers and she is mine, from this day, until the end of my days."

"Father, Smith, Warrior. Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am his and he is mine, from this day, until the end of my days."

As they said the words, Sam wrapped their hands together and Jaime noticed the snow had stopped falling. Brienne winked at him and looked down. When he did, she raised her skirt slightly and revealed her boots, adorned with lace and ribbon. He smiled and laughed softly from his eyes to his lips. At last he relaxed and his heart settled into place. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, unable to look away as the world faded into a white blur around her and her face was the only thing he could see.

"By the Old Gods and new, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

As Jaime leaned in to kiss Brienne, their guests roared and cheered, and a single red leaf from the Heart tree, fluttered to the ground.


	9. Chapter 9

"We did it," Jaime said as they walked together hand in hand from the ceremony.

Brienne looked over at him and smiled shyly. "We did. I can't believe everyone came out. I never imagined…I never imagined any of this in my wildest dreams." Her eyes smiled and she squeezed his hand gently.

"We have the entire day, thanks to Lady Sansa. What would you like to do?"

"Get out of this gown for one thing," she said over a chuckle, fidgeting with her bodice.

"Ser Brienne, are you implying something debauch?" Jaime whispered. His eyes narrowed and shifted, and he smiled slyly, glancing at the parade of people following them out of the Godswood.

"Of course you'd think that but no," she said giving him a side eye as she pursed her lips, watching him feign a pout. "As much as it is rough and uncomfortable traveling through fields and forests, I miss the outdoors; sitting by the fire, catching game for supper, gathering whatever you can for survival. Don't you miss it?"

"Well that depends. Am I shackled and being tied up at night?" he asked and laughed, watching her response.

"Only if absolutely necessary…and I hope you don't mind me mentioning this but quite often of late, your behavior could require a bit of shackling."

"Ooo my Lady, you do tempt me with your charms," he said. "Perhaps you require a bit of shackling as well from time to time. I don't believe I'm the only one whose behavior of late hasn't been entirely honorable…thank the Gods. Maybe they were watching after all; seeing their years of hard work at last come to fruit this morning."

"Years? Why Ser Jaime, are you blaming the Gods for you finally accepting the inevitable?"

"Are you saying it wasn't the Gods who placed you in Catelyn Stark's service and as a result, put us on the path that led us here? Wait, me finally accepting it?" He chuckled.

"I think perhaps they put opportunities before us and it's up to us to take advantage of them. Someday, when we're old and useless, we'll sit by the fire and go back through our journey to today, when remembrances are all we have left."

"You'll never be old and useless. I imagine you like Ser Barristan the Bold someday, only more beautiful than ever and more fierce than he ever was."

"I suppose that's a compliment," she said and laughed, wincing at him. "And what will you be doing while I'm bold and beautiful?"

"I'll be teaching our grandsons how to hunt and ride and fight," he said, puffing out his chest.

"And our granddaughters, of course," she said firmly.

"Of course! Of course I meant all of our grandchildren," he said, saving himself.

"Wait, just how many of these grandchildren are you hoping for?" She threw him a concerned yet amused glance and chuckled.

"Well I suppose we should concern ourselves with our children first. You…do want children I hope?"

"Ha! Are you having a go at me Jaime Lannister?"

"What? Me?" He laughed.

"If I'm not with child already, it would definitely be a bloody miracle," she said leaning into his shoulder.

Jaime stopped, pulling her against him. "Do you…would that make you happy?" His green eyes searched her face, waiting for the answer he longed for.

"As many as the Gods will allow, and only with you husband. Always and forever, only with you," she said, taking his face in her gloved hands and kissing him sweetly for all to see. "Now, say goodbye to the people." She turned, waving and they all waved back, as she and Jaime entered the castle and headed for their chamber.

Jaime removed his cloak and doublet and fell back onto the bed that had been changed and remade with fresh linens and clean furs. The room had an aroma of roses and lavender and a bottle of Arbor Gold and two clean glasses sat on the table. Brienne stepped towards them and found a note:

To the newly married couple,

May your lives be blessed and long. Please accept this small gesture as my personal blessing.

Sansa Stark ~ Lady of Winterfell

Brienne smiled. "It's a bit early for this. I know, how about we take a ride through the forest? We can pack a basket and get some fresh air."

"Lady Brienne, oh wait, I mean to say, Ser Lady Brienne of Lannister, if that is what you desire, then that is what we'll do," he said, rising to his feet.

"Lannister…that will take some getting used to," she whispered, turning to face him as he approached her slowly. "Perhaps just a sip to celebrate?" she asked, pouring just a bit in each cup and taking a drink.

"I feel like a complete fool sometimes did you know that?" he asked, removing the blue scarf slowly from about her neck.

"As you should. Now, what are you doing?" She gazed at him suspiciously as he tossed the scarf in his hand, gathering it up before laying it over the back of a chair.

"Unless you plan to ride in this beautiful gown, which by the way I wasn't expecting."

"Do you approve?" she whispered seductively, although not meaning to, but when he was close to her like this, it seemed all her years of longing dissolved any reservation or ability to deny his touch.

He nodded, leaning down to place a chaste kiss on the small swell of her breast that crested just above the top of the tight bodice. "It's a wonder you didn't freeze to death out there," he whispered in a breath against her snow white skin, now covered in goose prickles. "Lay down," he whispered, as his lips crept from her breast up over her collar bone to her neck, one kiss at a time until they reached the sensitive skin beneath her earlobe.

"I…" she moaned. "I thought we were going for a ride? Oh…" she said in a breathy sigh when he wrapped her tightly in his arms. His warm, soft mouth covered hers, sinking deeply against her lips opening them, tasting the sweetness of the wine on her tongue.

"Only you could look so delicious in leather and steel, and then absolutely devourable in a gown. Did I tell you how much I love your hair this way?" His eyes scanned over her face and then he stood back a step, releasing her so he could drink in his prize in her entirety. "I am truly the luckiest man alive today. In a world that demands fealty and dictates our destiny, I've married for love."

"Well, don't get too accustomed to me in a gown. You know that's not…" He quieted her again with another kiss.

"I fell in love with you covered in mud and blood. Do you really think I care what you're wearing? As long as it's your heart…" He kissed her as he tugged at the laces of her bodice. "Your spirit…" He kissed her again. "And these incredible, and I do mean fabulously long…do you even appreciate these legs of yours at all?" he asked, giving up on her bodice and raising the heavy woolen and lengthy skirt of her gown to slide his hand up her thigh beneath it.

"They're quite handy I suppose…for riding and running…and climbing mountains," she whispered over heavy deep breaths. Her chest rose and fell and her heart pounded as the sensation of his touch reached far and wide throughout her body, coiling around the juncture of her thighs.

"To climbing mountains," he said over a soft chuckle and began walking her backwards towards the bed.

"What does that mean?" she asked, draping her long arms around his neck as he laid her back onto the furs.

"It's just something Tyrion said. He told me he was happy for me, that I'm finally happy. I suppose it was quite obvious when he brought you up in our conversation that night at the inn."

"Ohhh, so you two had one of those discussions about…us?" Her voice was playful yet deeply curious. "And I suppose I am the mountain you spoke of?"

Jaime chuckled, crouched atop her and then glanced down at her long lean form, still covered in cream and gold. "Not exactly. He said he was happy for once in my life I'd have to climb for it."

"Climb for what?" she asked, her eyes narrowed. "Ahhh…you mean he was jealous of how women always threw themselves at you and finally…"

He quieted her with a kiss again. "I believed he was trying to tell me you were beyond my reach." He sat back on his knees and again, his hand snaked its way beneath her gown, her small clothes and beyond until he discovered her, opened her gently and found her sweet, soft dampness awaiting his touch. "My Lady of Lannister, am I worthy of such a woman as you?"

She writhed against his touch as her legs slid apart to grant him further access within her. "What happened to our ride in the country?" she asked, her fingers now pulling at the ties of his pants to free him.

"But my Lady, we have to consummate our marriage. It's the law you know." The slope of his desire had steepened, touching her this way, and his voice changed along with his expression as he slid more quickly now to the point that there was no way to climb back up. She was defenseless against his handsome face—his eyes telling her what his heart was feeling. Then, to her dismay, he removed his hand and whipped his shirt up over his head, tossing it away, and then pushed her skirt up until she was exposed from her hips down. "I believe you're right," he said studying her and placing a finger over his lips as he gazed. "Gowns are far too cumbersome and these," he said, pulling at the cotton bloomers. They caught on her boots and he winced and frowned until Brienne sat up, kicking them both off and onto the floor.

"You were saying?" she asked as she lay back down and he continued, again pushing her skirt above her hips.

"Lady Sansa isn't expecting you to return this gown is she?" he asked, lowering his mouth again to her bosom and then laying kisses down over the fabric of her bodice, as he worked, his fingers in concert with hers to remove the laces until at last she was free.

"No, I don't believe so," Brienne said and then gasped as his mouth drew in her breasts roughly, one at a time; his teeth teasing her nipples until they were deep rose and glistened wet.

"Good because I'm going to consummate this marriage and it may take more than one try. This gown may get quite soiled in the process."

"Oh Jaime, let me take it off," she said, trying to sit up but he climbed atop her, pinning her to the bed.

"It's too late," he whispered, staring straight through her, unnerving her with the hunger in his eyes.

"You're scaring me Jaime Lannister. What are you doing?" she asked with an anxious smile.

"Nothing I haven't been doing to you for weeks but today, tonight, I'm doing it with my wife." He lowered his head and began devouring her as he'd said he would. From her mouth, to her breasts he tasted every inch of her he could. He seemed possessed with desire and yet he took his time, teasing her as his mouth nipped at the smooth tender skin between her thighs, before covering the swollen pink flesh he'd been hungry for with deep, probing kisses that drove her to madness.

By mid-afternoon, the wine was gone, a platter of meat, cheese and fresh bread was nothing but crumbs and they slept, sated and exhausted. Brienne's gown lay piled in a heap near the bed, entangled with Jaime's clothes, and they laid quietly, his head on her chest, her left arm wrapped about his shoulder, his left leg coiled about hers…naked, warm and complete.

Suddenly, Jaime's eyes opened and his body jerked, waking Brienne. She was startled but clung to him.

"Jaime, are you all right? Was it one of the dreams again?" she asked. His rapid breathing was audible.

"Yes," he said over a breath, pulling her tightly against him.

"Which one was it this time?" she asked, stroking his hair to calm him.

"I don't want to talk about it. It only makes it seem more real."

"But it isn't real. You're here with me. The battles are behind us now. We'll never have to fight again for as long as we live."

"I wonder if there's been any word from Tyrion? I pray he's all right."

"Why don't we get cleaned up and we'll see Samwell and find out if they've heard anything. So it was about him this time?"

"Yes…" he said and sighed, closing his eyes.

"Come on, up with you. We'll see about that message and then we'll go for a ride to clear our heads. The cool air will do us good."

Jaime raised his head and leaned up, sliding his hand up into her hair and cradling her head. His eyes were sullen and frightened. "You know I'd die before I let anything happen to you?"

The words caught in her throat for a moment. She could feel the tenseness of his muscles as she reached up and instinctively clutched at his shoulder. "Jaime, you're scaring me. What is it?"

"I don't trust Daenerys. Something in my gut is telling me she's dangerous—not just ambitious and out to fulfill some destiny she's longed for but truly dangerous. I'm worried that Tyrion will get caught in whatever she's planning to do."

"He's her hand, Jaime. He knows her. He's been with her long enough to know what she's capable of."

"No! I don't believe anyone truly knows what she's capable of; not even Jon."

"Come on," she said, clutching his wrist. "Let's go. I want to put your fears to rest. I'll go find Sam. You go get our horses ready and I'll meet you at the stables. I'd rather the news if any, come from me."


	10. Chapter 10

Brienne was quickly realizing that although Lady Sansa had become her closest friend next to Jaime, Sansa's priorities outweighed any loyalties Brienne had, or anyone else for that matter. Her only loyalty was to the north and her family.

On her way to see Sam, to find out if any information had arrived about Daenerys and the others who were on their way to Dragonstone, Lady Sansa stopped her. At first she only inquired as to why Brienne was alone on her wedding day, but the conversation soon turned when she was in fact the one to deliver the news to Brienne that had arrived earlier in the day.

"Apparently, Queen Daenerys isn't the leader they thought she was," Sansa remarked, holding a scroll in her hand.

"What's happened?" Brienne's eyes widened.

"Come inside. I don't want to start a panic," Sansa said glancing around and then leading Brienne to her solar.

"Close the door," Sansa said and stepped to her desk, removing her cloak and gloves. "We received word that Daenerys' ships were ambushed by Euron Greyjoy and his fleet, as they made their approach to Dragonstone. Some of her ships were destroyed and her green dragon, the injured one, was killed."

Brienne gasped and covered her mouth. "But shouldn't they have suspected something? Cersei would have known they'd return there after the battle here at Winterfell."

"Exactly. It was stupid of them to make such a journey without precaution; hence my statement about her leadership. Only a fool would leave themselves so open. Euron Greyjoy, although he is the self-proclaimed greatest captain on the fourteen seas and loves to boast about it, he has definitely proven himself a formidable foe and a loyal ally to Cersei."

"From what Ser Jaime has told me, he's much more than her ally now."

"So I've heard as well. Apparently she's promised to marry him once the battle is won. If this attack is any indication of what's to come, I'd say she'll be a bride very soon unless Tyrion can snap out of whatever spell Daenerys has over him and heed my advice to him."

"You truly can't believe that they'll win, do you?" Brienne asked, watching Sansa sit at her desk before taking the seat opposite her. "Daenerys still has the large black one. We both saw what those dragons are capable of. Wait, what advice?"

"I suppose this isn't a secret any longer. Brienne, I trust you implicitly so I'm going to share something with you. Jon is not my brother—illegitimate or otherwise. He's the son of Daenerys' brother Rhaegar and my aunt Lyanna Stark. They were married in secret and Jon is the true rightful heir, if there truly is such a thing. To my knowledge whoever wins the throne, takes the throne."

"But how did you…"

"Samwell Tarley uncovered a High Septon's diary with an entry about the marriage, and Bran confirmed it with one of his visions. My father died with that knowledge. He protected Jon his entire life, even from my mother. He chose to disgrace himself as the father of a bastard rather than allow Robert Baratheon to kill Jon. Just as my father died to protect his family, I'm afraid Jon will allow his honor to bring his end as well, unless he steps up and does what needs to be done."

"Lady Sansa, are you saying you want Jon to be the king? But how can he? He'd have to wage war with Daenerys. She'll never just step down and hand him what she's believed to be hers for so long; not to mention she still has a dragon. In truth she doesn't even need an army."

"Cersei has those scorpions—dozens of them if I've been informed correctly. They were able to take down the green dragon with ease, apparently."

"Yes but that dragon was injured. The black one has faced those bolts before and survived it."

"Brienne, Jon has to do the right thing. The people love him. They don't love her. They follow her out of fear. Who do you see as the better ruler?"

Brienne moved her lips to speak but no words came forth.

"Deanery's has lost everything and everyone except Jon and Lord Tyrion...and what's left of her armies" Sansa sat back in her chair and folded her hands in her lap. "When I received word of her conquering Slavers Bay and her rise to power in Essos, I read and studied everything I could find about the Targaryen's. Of course as a child we learned all of the lore but this was now. The more I read the more I realized not much had changed from the days of Aegon the Conqueror. He established their house words, fire and blood, by taking Westeros with fire and blood. Why wouldn't she do the same?"

"Are you saying you believe she'll take Kings Landing the same way as Aegon did?"

"I'm saying I believe she'll do whatever she wants to do, regardless of the cost," Sansa said. Her eyes burned with blue fire, sending chills through Brienne. "Ser Jorah was her closest advisor. He's dead. Two of her dragon children are dead and now Cersei has stolen her closest and dearest friend and confidant. Do you honestly think Cersei will just give Missandei back, knowing how much she means to Daenerys? Tyrion has failed her numerous times in attempts to rein in her worst impulses and now, Jon has spurned her due to the realization that she is his aunt."

"How do you know all this?" Brienne's brow furrowed with more questions than she dare ask.

"Lord Tyrion and I have always had shall we say, an understanding. Although we were married against both our wills, he was always very kind to me and respected me, when everyone else believed me naive and stupid. However, when I told him of Jon's true parentage, and the implications of that as well as the possibilities, he confided many things in me that I now share with you. Jon is torn apart over loving her. He most likely is still passionately and romantically in love with her but his northern beliefs, whether he's half Targaryen or not, will never allow him to be with her or marry her."

"I suppose if he could it would make things much easier. With them as husband and wife, his level headedness and gentle heart could cool her flame."

"We can no longer think in what could be or what would be best. The reality is she's more dangerous now than she's ever been and is it even possible to trust her judgement at this point not that I ever have? I only base my suspicions on the history of her house, her behavior and demeanor and the fact that she's lost nearly everything she loves. I fear her desperation will steer her hunger for power and she'll use all means at her disposal to win."

"Yes and that's what frightens me," Brienne said, having heard more than she'd ever planned to hear on a day that should have been spent celebrating her happiness. Jaime, she thought and decided to leave. "Thank you for your trust and faith in me. Shall I accompany you to wherever it was you were going before I stopped you?"

"Yes, thank you. I was heading to the library. Is that on your way?" Sansa asked as she pulled her cloak around her shoulders and fastened it.

"Yes. I'm meeting Ser Jaime at the stables. We've decided some time riding and the fresh air would be a delightful change." Brienne held the door open and then followed Lady Sansa outside. "He's probably wondering what happened to me."

As they stepped out into the courtyard, Jaime was walking towards them. Brienne turned to say goodbye to Lady Sansa when she saw Jaime approaching.

Sansa glanced over at Brienne and then back to Jaime, as she rolled the message scroll in her hands.

"What happened?" Jaime asked.

Brienne looked around to make sure no one else could hear. "Euron Greyjoy ambushed Queen Daenerys and her fleet. One of her dragons was killed, several ships destroyed, Missandei captured," Brienne replied, solemnly.

"I always wanted to be there when they execute your sister. It seems like I won't get the chance," Sansa said harshly and went on her way.

Brienne stood shaken at Sansa's words. She turned to Jaime and took a deep breath when she saw the expression on his face. He appeared as if he'd been slapped hard and was trying desperately not to show it. Brienne rushed to him.

"I'd wanted us to be alone when you received this news. I'm sorry I took so long but Lady Sansa wanted to explain what had happened."

"No, it's all right. Our…our horses are ready. I believe I truly do need to get away from here for a bit, more now than before."

Brienne could feel the anguish in his eyes and her heart ached to console him. As much as it pained her to find the understanding of his worry, empathy consumed her and finding a quiet place to allow him to share what he was feeling was imminently important.

"Come on. Let's go somewhere where we can be alone and talk," she said, taking his arm and walking to the stables.

About a mile away from the gates of Wintefell, and at last completely alone, they tied off their horses and laid a thick blanket beneath the shadow of a large tree. They hadn't said a word to each other as they rode. Instead, what had started out to be a leisurely ride evolved into them racing as fast as they could until they both felt far enough removed from the world to stop.

"Here, sit with me," Brienne said, taking his hand and leading him to a seat on the blanket. "Please Jaime; tell me what you're thinking."

"I can't. You won't understand."

"I can't promise you that I will but I can promise you that I'll make every effort to try," she pleaded.

Obviously unable to resist those warm, loving blue eyes that had never failed him, he tried to speak. "My family," he said. His voice was choked with emotion. "All my life my father pounded 'family is our legacy' into us, until I felt buried to my neck in it. I was loyal to the point of exhaustion and disgrace but then, when you came bursting into my life with your strength and dedication to duty and your two swords, all I cared about was getting as far away from your stubborn, perfect presence as I could and run back to Cersei. Cersei who," he stopped and looked away.

"Please, go on," Brienne pleaded, although realizing his words could split her in two.

"I don't want to. I told you I can't bear to see you hurt."

"I'm no stranger to pain—yours, mine, anyone's who I love. I've carried it all and I believe in some strange way it's a part of who I am. Perhaps that's why the Gods chose to give me such broad shoulders." She placed her gloved hand atop his where it rested on the blanket.

"How can you love someone like me?" he asked. His face twisted in disgust for himself.

"Look at me," she said, turning his face gently towards her with her fingertips. "There are no men like you; only you, Jaime Lannister. Your story is singular, and if I'm the last and only person in the world to hear it from your own lips, so be it."

"I could live a thousand years and never be worthy of you."

"Oh but you're wrong. You are worthy. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. Hundreds of thousands of people wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. Every time you've made a choice based solely on your own, of your own free will and more importantly of your heart, you've made the right decision regardless of the consequences. That is what a true knight is, Jaime Lannister."

"Do true knights lie and deceive and carry on intimate relations with their twin sister for twenty years? Do they conspire for her? Kill for her?"

Brienne had to take a deep breath before answering him. Although she believed she'd come to terms with his relationship with Cersei long ago, hearing him speak of it was like feeling his hand squeezing the blood out of her heart. "But you left her. You put that life away and behind you."

"You misunderstand me." He climbed to his knees until he was looking down into her eyes, and placed his hand on her cheek. "I know what I was and who I am now. No, I'm not that man anymore. I don't love her that way anymore—I haven't for a long time. How can I make you understand when I can't even find the words to explain it without feeling like a fucking coward?"

Her hand flew to his where it rested on her cheek. "I do understand! Love comes in many shapes and forms. I can see your heart Jaime and I know what's there. I know it's your unborn child. I knew the moment I told you about Dragonstone but please…"

He let go and sat back again, as if melting into a heap of unmolded clay. "You knew and said nothing."

"I felt it was up to you to tell me, but you didn't. I believe the child was the last secret between us. Hopefully now you will believe my love for you isn't tied with conditions in order to restrain you. I don't want to be your anchor Jaime I want to be your sails."

"If you were me, you'd find it nearly impossible to believe that such love exists."

"Oh bullshit! Tyrion loves you and he knows everything about you. Gods if I could make you see you still have so much to live for. With or without me, you still have a life to live but if you go to Kings Landing, you'll die. You know it's true."

"When I returned from the Riverlands, and saw the sept still smoldering from the wildfire and found out about Tommen, and then saw her on that bloody throne I should have known then it was over—all of it but no. I'm not making excuses by any means. I want you to know that, but I couldn't bring myself to walk away. Where would I go? She was different; even colder than before I'd left. She'd spurned me repeatedly for months and then out of the blue, she came to me; even after she'd promised to marry Euron, because he'd brought her the Sand Snakes. She came to me with their blood still on her hands, figuratively if not literally, and I believed she still loved me. It was our last time together. After that, once again I was no more than the commander of her armies. When I met with Tyrion, she accused me of betraying her, when only moments before she'd told me about the baby. In the next breath, she'd promised she'd tell everyone that the child was mine and then threatened me to never betray her again. I'm sure you can imagine my confusion."

"Oh Jaime," was all Brienne could say. She didn't want to interrupt him.

"Yes, poor Jaime," he said and chuckled. "In the blink of an eye, she was tossing me aside for Euron Greyjoy's fleet and the Golden Company. She called me a traitor when I told her I was going north to fight as I'd pledged." He stopped and took a long breath. "All the lies and the contradictions; enough was enough! I truly believed The Mountain was going to kill me. She gave the order and then stopped. I suppose somewhere in her twisted mind, my father's words about family halted her decision. She never felt buried in it. She thrived on it. That was the end. That was when I knew where I belonged. It took my imminent death staring me in the face to finally make me realize it. How pathetic is that?"

Brienne sat silently as she'd done in the bath at Harrenhal and just let him go on. It was as if his very soul was pouring out into the snow as it had in the warm water but she knew she needed to say something. "I wasn't sure that day at the dragon pit if I'd managed to reach you. I'd hoped I had but you seemed so different."

"She'd confronted me about you before you know. Part of the reason for getting you and Podrick out of Kings Landing after Joffrey was murdered was that I knew she was out for blood—any blood. Her vanities wouldn't allow her to believe I had any feelings for you but that wouldn't have stopped her from finding a way to rid herself of any doubt."

"She did confront me but, I neither confirmed nor denied my love for you."

"Which of course only added to her delusions of anyone else having me…I'm such a prize," he said sarcastically and in the most self-deprecating way. "My only peace of mind came from knowing you were alive out there somewhere. The value of your life far outweighed my personal loss of sending you away. When you came to me about the Blackfish-gods I wanted to take you in my arms but I thought you felt nothing for me. I felt there was a wall between us. Then when you tried to give me back the sword...What we have now; what we've become was the farthest thing from my mind." He looked over at her; his green eyes clouded with angst. "You're the only good thing in my life."

"I want to slap some sense into you or shake you or forget you even exist sometimes. I tried for years to get rid of you. Loving you has been the hardest and yet the easiest thing I've ever done in my life."

"Perhaps you should have," he said, looking away.

"Yes I suppose that would have made both our lives so much simpler but you came to my door, may I remind you. I didn't pursue you." Brienne was growing weary of watching him cling to his past. She was beginning to question everything she believed but her love for him, as broken as he was, held on.

"That's true," he said and smiled down to himself.

"Is this what you had planned? A love affair? Marriage? Forever? Or was this only supposed to be some fling? If you'd look at me I'd greatly appreciate it."

"No, I hadn't planned anything. Yes, I knew you were here and I wondered. It was a long ride from Kings Landing to Winterfell and I had plenty of time to wonder…to hope. Then when you stood up for me, you saved my life, and I knew you were the last person in the world who believed in me." He looked over at her at last. "Knowing everything you know now, would you have still let me into your bed that night?"

"Jaime, I opened my door knowing it was you on the other side. I'm not an idiot. I saw you stop Tormund from pursuing me before you followed me out of the hall. I'd saved myself for I didn't know who or what, but I knew at least I loved you and I believed in some way, you loved me too. I wanted my first time to be special and with someone I loved. So yes, I would have let you in and I wouldn't change a thing about that night."

"And everything since?"

"No, I wouldn't take anything back. Lady Sansa said finding love—true love in this world is like a miracle. I suppose if this is all there is or ever will be I'm grateful the Gods sent you to me that night."

"I'm more what one would call a tragedy but I understand the context," he said over a chuckle.

"Make light of it as you will. I know that's how you get through things but I need you to know, I'm frightened."

His eyes grew wide and he reached for her. "What are you frightened of?"

"You dying! You've escaped death so many times, but I'm afraid you feel responsible for Cersei and the baby, and this family loyalty is eventually going to get you killed. Don't you think Tyrion will do everything in his power to stop Daenerys from executing her; especially once he tells her of the baby? Only weeks ago we could have been killed a hundred times; isn't that enough?"

"I told you I don't love her anymore," he said firmly.

"Yes you do. Perhaps not the way you once defined it but she is your twin sister; your family. You'd still give your life for her and for Tyrion if you had to. Just please, don't. You have so much to live for. She's tried to have you killed more than once. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

Jaime sat back and his face changed. His eyes appeared to be seeing something far off in the distance or remembering something that haunted him.

"Jaime? Jaime!" she shouted at him, drawing his attention back to her.

"Do you think Daenerys is going to burn Kings Landing?"

"What? Where did that question come from?"

"Just tell me. Do you think she'll do it like her ancestors did?"

"I…I don't know. I don't even know her well enough to surmise, although Lady Sansa does suspect..."

"Would you be willing to stay here if you knew I was in the Red Keep and Daenerys was coming to burn it down?" he interrupted.

Brienne's eyes suddenly opened with knowing. Her jaw clenched and a disappointed sneer covered her face. "Not if you were like your sister. You haven't learned a thing, have you? Have you even listened to yourself? Have I been the only one hearing any of this?"

"What? What do you mean?" he asked, looking up at her as she stood and walked towards her horse. He clambered to his feet to follow her.

"I believe in you more than you ever have and no, this isn't that speech again." She said and climbed into her saddle, looking down at him. "I don't know what else to do. I love you with my whole being Jaime Lannister but I won't watch you die for someone who doesn't give a shit about you. There may be a thousand leagues between here and Kings Landing but you know what? It's really nothing more than a two way road," she said, wheeling her horse around and heading back to Winterfell.


	11. Chapter 11

By the time Jaime returned to Winterfell, most of the inhabitants were either gathering in the hall for supper or finishing up their work for the day. He returned his horse to the stables and walked slowly to the dining hall to look for his wife. He was hungry and cold. Having not followed her directly when she left, he chose to walk back on foot, leading his horse for the mile or so back to the castle. Taking that time to think as he walked, he paused here and there to admire the view, and to enjoy the freshness of the air, away from the lingering smell of burned death that still hung in the air around Winterfell.

It would be a long time before the spring, but the ever falling snow was healing the scarred land one flake at a time, keeping the land moist with life in order to prepare it for spring. Spring, he thought, when the true revival of the earth could begin. He tried to imagine what Winterfell looked like in the spring, or if there was one at all here. He remembered what it was like in the fall, all those years ago when he rode in with King Robert's caravan. Although cold and damp, Winterfell smelled lush and rich on the outside as they approached, from the piney woods and rolling moors, and warm and welcoming inside, from the burning hearths and roasting meat. Where did the years go? He thought. He remembered his only care in the world was keeping Tyrion out of trouble and finding some way to be alone with Cersei, away from everyone.

He took a bowl of venison stew, a portion of fresh bread and a cup of ale and carried it to a seat near the back of the hall. He chose a table that was nearly empty but for three young boys who he recognized as several of the lads who loaded debris into the wagons to be hauled away. He nodded to them and smiled when they glanced in his direction. He remembered being of that age and wondered how different life would have been had he tossed rocks and splintered wood into wagons instead of picking up a sword.

As he traveled back into that fifteen year old boy with the sword, he saw his father's face, so hard and stern and then his brother, Tyrion. The lie, the lie, the lie, he thought, shaking his head to search for better memories to no avail. Everyone forgives me, Tyrion, my father, Brienne, even Robert Baratheon pardoned me for killing Aerys. Of course, what choice did he have? He was marrying my sister. He chuckled quietly to himself and looked around, seeing the boys gathering their bowls and cups to leave. They either forgive me or fear me, his thoughts continued.

I was a boy for such a brief time. Perhaps had I married Lysa Tully instead of putting on that white cloak? Cersei would have never allowed that to happen. Cersei always gets what she wants one way or another. But Cersei doesn't forgive; she never forgives. Even if I were to ride back to Kings Landing, would she have me killed on sight? Would I even make it in time? What would I say? What would I do? She's always been the strong one—no sword was ever necessary to cut me down. Her sword is her tongue and it cuts far deeper than Valyrian steel, and her coin is her sex—a purse that never runs dry. Now it belongs to Euron Greyjoy. I truly am the last Lannister. Tyrion is with Daenerys—I pray he's alive. Cersei believes me a traitor and by now has most likely led Euron to believe my child belongs to him—she's had a great deal of practice with that lie. And here I sit, he looked around the great hall as slowly one by one, the people gathered their families, their meager possessions in sacks and satchels and filed out through the archways.

"Jaime," he heard Brienne's voice behind him and turned, watching her as she swept onto the bench beside him.

He nodded to her and smiled a sad smile. "Have you eaten?" he asked.

"No, I appear to have lost my appetite," she said. "It seems you have as well."

Jaime looked down at his barely touched bowl of stew, now cold from sitting while he was away inside.

"I'm sorry I left like I did," she said, placing her hand on his forearm.

"You shouldn't be sorry for anything where I'm concerned." His eyes were sad and tired when the candlelight flickered in them as he looked at her.

"Well I am. In just a few short weeks, the world—no, our world has changed so much. I need to tell you something but not here. Walk with me?"

He nodded, pushing the bowl aside and taking a drink of ale before he stood. "After you my lady," he said, taking her hand for her to rise and she led him through the corridors back to their chamber.

Once they were settled, Jaime stoked the fire and poured them each a cup of wine. He handed one to Brienne and then sat beside her on the bed. "You had something to tell me?"

"Another raven came this afternoon—this one from your brother."

Jaime took a drink and sat up straight, as if bracing himself for something horrible. "I have the feeling it's a good thing I'm sitting, but since it came from Tyrion, at least I know he was alive at the time it was written." He cleared his throat.

"Cersei," Brienne said and paused, taking his left hand. "Daenerys made an attempt to treat with her, to plea for her to surrender Kings Landing peacefully. Tyrion begged her but," Brienne seemed too shaken to continue.

"But she of course did not," Jaime said in a bristled tone.

"She ordered Missandei killed—beheaded, in front of Daenerys and everyone."

Jaime stood and walked to the table, and sat his cup down so hard the wine splashed everywhere.

"Jaime this was dated a week ago. He also said Varys was executed for treason, shortly afterwards. He said Daenerys is distraught over what she believes was not only Jon's betrayal in telling his sisters about his parentage, but of course seeing her dearest and closest friend murdered right before her eyes just after losing her dragon. Jaime please, say something."

"What do you want me to say?" he shouted. "She's a monster? She's hateful or insane? Don't you think I know all of these things?"

"No, I didn't mean to…"

"Because I do Brienne, I do. I know it better than anyone. I also know she's probably signed the death warrant for herself, and most if not all of Kings Landing for that display of horror." He turned and stared into the fire. "Gods that poor girl. That poor, innocent girl." He slammed his fist against the stone hearth.

"Jaime stop you'll break your hand," Brienne said rushing to him.

"Aye I'll break my hand. I shouldn't have left. Maybe I could have done something to stop this."

"Jaime you tried! You told me you tried!" she shouted, clutching his sleeve.

"I should have tried harder. Now…it's too late. It's just too late." He stared down into the flames and saw Kings Landing burning in his mind. "Daenerys will never take her surrender now, even if she begs on her hands and knees which I assure you, Cersei will not do, and strange as it seems, I wouldn't blame her."

"Write back to Tyrion or let me. I'll rush it to Sam in the rookery and have it sent out tonight."

"And tell him what?"

"I don't know, maybe he can warn Cersei to get out of there. Maybe he can get a message to her or to Qyburn to get her away."

"Why in seven hells would you want to save Cersei?" Jaime turned and looked at Brienne. His face was twisted in confusion.

"Because I know you love her. She's your sister. Regardless of whatever she is, she's carrying your child, Jaime. Haven't enough innocents died already?"

He felt lightheaded and weak as if his heart had stopped for several beats. Brienne reached out and caught him just as he thought he'd fall. He pulled her tightly against him until he found his footing again and took a deep breath. She pressed her cheek to his and stroked his hair as his face nuzzled her and he clung to her. "Come sit down," she whispered and then led him back over to the bed.

"Take a drink," she said, handing him her cup.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I ruined this day for you. This should have been the happiest day of our lives and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin it, Jaime. War did. Other people's choices did and I think we both understand all too well there's no such thing as uncomplicated, especially where we're concerned."

"Are you sorry you married me? Please, tell me the truth."

"The truth? Well, if I'm being truthful I'll say I did ask myself that question this afternoon when I came back here alone. No, I'm not sorry. I only questioned your true motivation for asking me and for going through with it when you obviously still have so many conflicting feelings."

"The truth then," he said, turning to face her. She took the cup from his hand and sat it down on the table by her bed. "In another world, and another time, in my heart and in my dreams, there was always a place for us—just us. Do you remember when we were taken by Locke and I told you to close your eyes and pretend they were Renly and to go away inside?"

Brienne nodded slowly, listening intently.

"All my life, when I saw death and battles and all of the atrocities of the world, that's where I'd go and I'd think of Cersei. As children, we were all we had after my mother died. She was the first born. She was always stronger than me. She always had the answers and knew how to quiet my fears. Then after you and I left Harrenhal and returned to Kings Landing, and you were standing by the mud gate and I turned and looked at you, there was something in your eyes…those deep, sad eyes. After that day, when I went away inside, I didn't see Cersei anymore, I saw you."

Brienne reached over and took his hand from his lap and cradled it in hers.

"Everything had changed. She'd changed, I'd changed. I knew in my heart she'd had others in her bed while I was gone but I denied it to myself. I tried to please her but nothing I did was good enough. Then when Joffrey was murdered I saw a side to her even I had never seen before. I believe she knew somewhere deep down there was someone else. Brienne, I denied you to her and to myself and yet when I closed my eyes, there you were. To save Tyrion's life my father struck a deal with me to send Tyrion to the Nights Watch as long as I gave up the Kings Guard, married a suitable woman and took my rightful place as his heir at Casterly Rock…but you were gone. I'd already sent you away."

"Jaime it's all right, you don't have to do this," Brienne said through pleading eyes.

"Of course you know how all that turned out but I promised myself, given the first chance to marry you, I'd take it if you'd still have me—then, there was the importance of your honor. There was no way I could have you like this and not honor you with marriage. You're the most innocent, decent and honorable woman in the world." He leaned in and kissed her softly. "It was selfish I know but to the truth of it then…I didn't want to die without knowing what it was like to have someone all my own—someone who belonged only to me."

"I do, and I always will," she said, pulling him into an embrace.

"Now, here we are, and all I can think of is running off to do something—anything to make all the madness stop."

"Oh that we could stop it but I'm afraid this is out of our hands."

Jaime relaxed away from their embrace and placed his hand upon her cheek. "Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?"

"If memory serves me you did once, at Riverrun remember? You told me you were proud I'd found Lady Sansa."

"And look at her now; the Lady of Winterfell. You know, the last Lady of Winterfell once told me you were a truer knight than I could ever be. She was right," Jaime said and smiled.

"Well I'm much better with a sword. I do believe we've already established that." She chuckled.

Jaime gazed at her solemnly now, tilting his head and studying her face for a moment. "No matter what happens, I want you to know I love you and you've made me happier in the past few weeks than I've been in my entire life…minus the fighting the dead part," he said and smiled.

"I understand. I love you more than you will ever know, because if you could truly see yourself through my eyes, you'd love you too."

"You know it's funny, all my life everyone's looked at me as if I thought I was better than them and then they'd whisper Kingslayer and Oathbreaker behind my back—and some to my face." He raised his brow and sighed.

Brienne blushed.

"I wouldn't wish that life on anyone." His tone deepened. "Everyone thought it was my sword and armor that kept me alive, when in truth, all along it was my thick skin. It's thicker than any armor a man can make."

Brienne began to slowly undo the laces of his shirt as he watched her. Almost instantly, the day began to fall away around them like a landslide falling into the sea. "This skin?" she asked as she unfastened and removed his golden hand, and placed tender kisses around the jagged scar where his hand had been. "Or this skin?" she asked, pulling his shirt up and over his head, and then continuing the journey with her lips, across his collar bone.

The urge to kiss her and make love to her overwhelmed him and a mere few heartbeats later, he did.


	12. Chapter 12

For so many years, her life was a tumbling, rolling and bouncing cycle of servitude. Since she'd left Tarth, on a quest to serve her old friend, Brienne's destiny as she saw it, was serving King Renly Baratheon. Beyond that, either dying in battle or while protecting his life as a member of his Kings guard, was as far as she could see into her future. Never had she imagined the path Renly's murder by blood magic, at the hands of Stannis' red witch, would put her on. Entangled in political intrigue, thrust into service for Catelyn Stark as her sworn shield upon Renly's untimely death, she became involved in an act which although promised she would never be involved in—a party to treason against Rob Stark.

She'd never looked at it that way before. After all, Catelyn was the Queen Mother and as such, Brienne believed she was acting on the king's behalf and best interest by releasing Jaime Lannister and sending him back to Kings Landing, under the promise of Tyrion Lannister to release the Stark girls. Roose Bolton, however, had not neglected to remind her of that fact. By the time she was garbed in that depressing pink monstrosity of a gown and sat at Roose Bolton's table before him, had the word been spoken openly to her—treason.

How naive she'd been then. "I shall ask no service of you that might bring you dishonor," Catelyn Stark had promised her and yet in truth, that's exactly what she'd done. But by the time she heard the words spoken from Roose Bolton's gray, deliberate lips, and Jaime Lannister had saved her from rape and spoken on her behalf…and placed his hand atop hers to quiet her impulse to lay open Bolton's throat, her connection to him was already forged.

Their oath to Catelyn, although still very much in play, was now their oath, their bond and although their circumstances had dramatically declined into imprisonment, fighting a bear and she, yet again being saved by Jaime Lannister, somewhere during that journey, an unspoken attachment to him grew. A thread became a line, and then a rope—that pulled taught with longing every time they parted. Despite never believing he could love a woman like her—unconventional to say the least, she couldn't deny her woman's heart or the other parts of her that came alive in his presence. The thread started in the bath at Harrenhal with a tale of honor dishonored, and the rope was now tied so tightly around them she believed no matter what may happen; even if they died, they'd be together forever.

Jaime had dressed and gone to bring them something to eat as their appetites had returned. He'd said, "We can't live on love," in jest before he closed the door. Left alone with her thoughts, her memories and her imagination, she wondered how much that servitude would matter—her knighthood even, without Jaime to share it with. At least once a day now he would say, "I'm through fighting." She believed he meant it. The battle for Winterfell had taken so much out of him. He'd joke about his age and how once Daenerys took the throne, she'd usher in a whole new order and most likely, his family home would be given to those loyal to her. "In essence," he'd said. "I'm at the mercy of the north." What she wanted him to say was, "I'll stay here with you for the rest of my life because that's where I belong now." They'd shared everything, and as much as they poured themselves into each other of late, she had suffered their understanding for years through their eyes, not their words.

His eyes, Brienne. It's in his eyes, she thought as she heard voices outside her chamber door.

"Look who I found on my way to the kitchens," Jaime said as he opened the door.

Brienne smiled when she saw Podrick enter, carrying a tray of food. "Ser," he said and sat the tray down on the table.

"Thank you Pod," Brienne said. "Please, stay and join us."

Jaime produced a large flagon of wine from beneath his cloak and an extra cup. "That's what I told him as well. It's been too long since we've all shared a drink."

Brienne helped Jaime with his cloak and took Podrick's as well and tossed them on the bed. "I didn't see you this morning in the Godswood Podrick," Brienne said, filling their cups as Jaime uncovered the tray. There was hard cheese, honey, butter, bread and salt pork. Not quite the hot venison stew they'd missed at dinner but their stomach's rumbled anyway.

"Guard duty, Ser. It's my week for overnight watch. That's how I saw Ser Jaime. I was just popping in the kitchen for something to eat before heading to my turn on the wall."

Brienne watched a moment, appreciating the simple yet endearing vision of friends tearing apart bread, Jaime pulling out a chair for her to sit, and trivial conversation.

"I haven't congratulated you yet Sers," Podrick said as he spread butter on a thick piece of bread. "I wondered when you'd get around to it."

"Oh you did?" Brienne asked, in an upturned tone, watching Jaime attempting to slice off a piece of cheese.

"Bronn used to tell me how he knew something was…well, he said he didn't get it but he thought there was something between you."

"He didn't get it?" Jaime asked over a chuckle.

"I don't know what he was talking about but I think it had something to do with milady being a knight but, that was back before she was a knight." Podrick chewed through a smile. "He said all over the kingdom, Ser Jaime had every girl from Dorne to the Wall throwing themselves at him but he never gave a second look. But when he looked at you milady, I mean Ser…"

"That will do Podrick," Brienne said. Her cheeks were flushed.

"Bronn has a way with words doesn't he?" Jaime said jokingly, biting off a piece of cheese and grinning at Brienne.

"That's one way of putting I suppose," Brienne answered, stealing the cheese from Jaime's hand.

"Well, I better get going. Are you going to eat this?" Podrick said, downing his drink and snatching a piece of pork and bread to take with him. "You don't mind, do you?"

"It's going to be a long, cold night, Pod. Help yourself and stay warm."

Podrick produced a flour sack from inside his cloak and filled it with the food. "Plenty of brasiers on the walls my lady. No need to hide the firelight anymore. Good night," he said glancing over at Jaime with a nod and a sullen look and Jaime nodded back. Brienne walked him to the door and saw him out.

"He's such a good lad," Jaime said.

"Yes, you certainly were right about that. He's been a bit of work but he's definitely proven himself," Brienne remarked, sitting back down at the table.

They finished what was left of the food in silence for several minutes until Jaime finally spoke. "I was hungrier than I thought."

She met his gaze and smiled over how much he'd eaten. "I see that. My goodness. Are you going into hibernation?" she said and laughed.

"It must have been my long walk today."

"Wait, you walked back from the forest?"

"I thought I'd told you I did but—doesn't matter."

"Jaime, have you thought any about our future?" The question nearly choked her and she couldn't understand why.

"Future?"

"Yes, once all of this is over, or even tomorrow. It doesn't feel right to me for us to be hold up in this small chamber for the rest of our lives."

He looked around the room. "It's not so small."

"I'm being serious," she said softly.

"I know and I'm not sure how to answer the question. What would you like to do?"

"I'm sworn to Lady Sansa and I'd have to request to be released from her service."

"She adores you. I'm sure she'd grant you that if you wanted to leave."

"If we wanted to leave you mean?"

"Yes, of course." He stood and began removing his doublet.

"Here, let me help you," she said standing to assist him.

"So where would we go? I don't think we could go to Tarth," Jaime said, raising his brow.

"Don't be silly of course we could."

Jaime turned and glared at her. "Your father was quite clear, Brienne."

"I didn't mean I wanted to go there, only that I know my father. He'll soften to this marriage over time."

"I asked you before and you said the free cities. Does that still interest you?"

"What if we went exploring? We could travel and see Westeros on our own…without the chains and rope this time." She smiled, taking his hand and leading him to sit back down at the table.

"It's still quite dangerous on the road. There are outlaws and deserters roaming. Not that we couldn't handle them but don't you want something a bit more permanent?"

"You don't like the north. Although it's the safest place, I wouldn't expect you to settle somewhere you wouldn't be happy."

"I'll tell you what," Jaime said, taking her hand in his. "Let's continue day by day until the fighting is over. Once we know the status of the country, we can decide."

"You haven't mentioned what we talked about earlier."

"Should I?" he asked.

"No but you were upset. I just want to make sure you're all right."

Jaime looked into her eyes and smiled, squeezing her hand. He was so warm and calm. "I am concerned for my brother…and for the baby."

"And for your sister," she added.

"Come on, no more of this tonight. It's our wedding night, remember?" Jaime stood and walked to the chamber door.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"If I tell you it will spoil the surprise," he said and opened the door. "Close your eyes."

Brienne did as he asked and when she opened them, he placed a package in her hand, wrapped in fine linen and tied with red string. "What is it?" she asked.

"It's a wedding gift. Open it and you'll see."

Brienne sat down on the bed and untied the string and gently unfolded the fabric. Her eyes bloomed with a smile. "Oh Jaime," she cooed, lifting the silken night gown from its wrappings.

"I know it's not really your taste but…"

"No, it's beautiful. I haven't had anything so lovely since I was a girl." It was white silk with long bell sleeves. She stood, holding it against her chest, embracing it as she ran her hand down over it's smooth, sensual fabric. The neckline was Dornish lace, and embroidered small blue roses trimmed every edge of it. "It's long enough," she said and giggled.

"You like it then?" he asked, walking to her and touching the fine silk.

"No, I love it. It's the most beautiful gown I've ever seen."

"Will you wear it for me?"

"Now?" she asked surprised.

"No, next year. Of course now!" he said teasing her.

"I will. Turn around." She looked like a young girl as the excitement filled her.

Jaime grinned and turned, walking to the table for a drink of his wine. "Are you done yet?" he said laughing.

"No you…oof," she groaned, lifting it over her head. She sighed as she slid her long arms through the sleeves and felt the silk dance over her skin. It fell over her hips and flowed like liquid to the floor. She swept her hair back away from her face and ran her palms smoothly over her body, taking in the sensation of how something so simple as a night gown could make her feel so lovely.

"Now?" he asked, dropping his hand to his hip and tossing his head back.

"Now," she whispered quietly and then took a deep breath.

Jaime turned slowly and then his eyes froze upon the vision before him. "You're…you're the maiden turned to flesh and blood."

"Really?" She smiled so sweetly she thought her face might stay that way forever.

"You…I…" was all he could say. He walked towards her. "May I…touch you my lady?"

Brienne nodded. "You may touch me Ser, forever."

His left hand swept lightly over her hip, and around to her back as her arms raised liked the wings of a dove up and around his neck, enveloping him in white. He kissed her, gently at first and then passionately, as their embrace tightened.

Several moments later, their lips parted and they stood, still locked together as Jaime pressed his forehead to hers. His eyes were closed and his breathing ragged with emotion.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"Nothing…everything. I just want to remember what you feel like, like this…in my arms, covered in silk as you should always be."

"I wish I had a gift for you," she whispered back and then took his hand as she sat down, and then lay back on the furs of their bed, pulling him with her.

As he lay down next to her, he rested his head on her chest and pulled her close. "You are the gift."

Sometime later, Brienne awoke in darkness, as the fire sprinkled low, soft light around her chamber. She was alone in the night for the first time in weeks.

Jaime found his horse packed and ready in the courtyard, just where he'd asked Pod to leave it. He looked back at the archway into the castle and could barely breathe. The cold night air made his chest ache from the deep breaths he took in order to keep his emotions at bay. Suddenly, there she stood. He forced himself not to look at her.

"They're going to destroy that city. You know they will," she said.

"Have you ever run away from a fight?" he answered, still unable to look at her.

She rushed to him, taking his face in her hands. "You're not like your sister. You're not. You're better than she is. You're a good man and you can't save her. You don't need to die with her. Stay here. Stay with me. Please?" Her voice filled with the tears that matched her eyes when he finally found the courage to see her. "Stay."

"You think I'm a good man?" he asked her, his left hand now clinging to her wrist as she held his face, unable to control himself as his thumb tenderly caressed her hand. He'd never felt such agony and self-loathing as he spoke. His eyes were wet with tears that wouldn't fall. She saw them he knew, and he slowly drew her hand away from his face. He couldn't bear her touching him like this. "I pushed a boy out a tower window—crippled him for life, for Cersei. I strangled my cousin with my bare hands, just to get back to Cersei. I would have murdered every man, woman and child in Riverrun, for Cersei."

Brienne stepped back, sobbing in disbelief. He made sure he was convincing but he wasn't yet sure enough. He'd said over and over he couldn't bear to see her hurt and yet of everyone in the world, he was the one hurting the most…he knew he had no choice.

"She's hateful," he said, emotionless and cold, glaring at her. "And so am I."

Brienne recoiled, sobbing uncontrollably as he rode off out of the gates of Winterfell. At last his tears began to fall, now that he was safely out of sight.

"Ser Brienne?" Lady Sansa said as Brienne entered her solar. "Are you feeling better today?"

"Much better My Lady."

"I would have come to see you yesterday but your chamber maid said you had requested no visitors." Sansa waved Brienne forward to sit with her.

"Yes My Lady. I apologize. I hope I didn't inconvenience you with my absence."

"Of course not. Have you broken your fast? I didn't see you in the hall this morning."

"Yes My Lady. Emilia was kind enough to bring it to me in my chamber."

"Brienne, he loves you, you know that."

Brienne only nodded.

"Whatever it was that caused him to go, I…"

"I know why he went and I'm at terms with it My Lady," Brienne interrupted.

"Please, call me Sansa. We've no need for such formalities when we're alone I've told you that. I want you to know you can speak with me whenever you want to, about Ser Jaime or anything else for that matter."

Brienne sighed and straightened herself in her chair. "I knew he would go. We had no secrets. I chose to live with who he was…who he is. I begged him not to go anyway of course," she said, her lips trembling with emotion. "Losing those we love is…I don't need to tell you what it is. I didn't beg him to stay for me. I did it because I know if he makes it there, he'll die." A single tear rolled down her pale cheek.

"Of course. You're the most unselfish person I know," Sansa said, reaching out and covering Brienne's hand with hers. "There's been no word from anyone in Daenerys' camp since Tyrion's but if I hear anything at all, I'll send for you. Why don't you take as much time as you need? There isn't anything I need protecting from."

"No. If you don't mind I'd rather get back to work. I have soldiers to train in the yard." Brienne drew back her hand and stood. "If you'll excuse me My Lady…Sansa."

"Of course."

Brienne bowed and turned, leaving Sansa to her work and heading out to the training yard to her own.

It would be several weeks before she heard anything and yet she heard nothing of Jaime's fate, only that Tyrion had somehow managed to convince Jon to set his honor aside and give Daenerys what she wanted…his love. He'd forsaken himself and his Stark beliefs and as many had hoped, he cooled the fire in her blood. They'd defeated the armies at the gates and Drogon had destroyed everything in his path at Daenerys' command. The Red Keep had sustained devastating damage and some innocents were lost but the toll on the small folk of Kings Landing was far less than they'd feared.

Finally, a month to the day after Jaime had left, Sansa called for Brienne to come to her solar. When she arrived, Sansa sat her down and handed her a scroll from Tyrion.

Lady Sansa,

Queen Daenerys and King Aegon VI request your presence in Kings Landing for their coronation and yours. King Aegon has granted you dominion over the kingdom of the north and you shall hereby be named, Queen Sansa. Cersei may have somehow managed to escape the day of the great battle it is assumed, since no trace of has been found of her, nor Qyburn. Ser Jaime was captured upon his approach to the city and is currently a prisoner of the King and Queen. Blessedly, I joyfully tell you the future heir should be born within six months. Your sister is alive and well and as of this writing, on her way back to Winterfell. We are now living in the new world.

Tyrion Lannister, Hand of the Queen

Brienne sat quietly for a moment, reading and re-reading the scroll.

"He's alive Brienne. Alive."

"Yes," she said, swiping away tears. "My Lady…excuse me, Your Grace, may I have your leave to travel to Kings Landing?"

"Why don't we go together? I've already ordered Podrick to begin assembling the van for our journey."

"It seems we were wrong about Queen Daenerys," Brienne said, laying the scroll on the desk in front of Sansa and rising to go."

"I believe we were more right about Jon than we were wrong about her. She's with child. I believe Jon did what he did for honor after all."

Brienne nodded and turned to go.

"Brienne, what we spoke about the other day, have you been to see Samwell?"

"I have my lady and he has seen me," Brienne smiled and placed her hand over her stomach.

"We leave on the morrow then," Sansa said. "Go ahead. You've packing to do.


	13. Chapter 13

The small council meeting adjourned early, as Queen Daenerys was abed, laboring over her third child. King Aegon had requested they send for him when the time was near, and as Tyrion, Brienne, Grand Maester Tarley, and the rest of the counsel looked on, little Aegon the VII, now a boy of seven, raced to his father's side to give him the good news. He was a beautiful child with dark curls and large light blue eyes that were accentuated by long dark lashes.

"Good Father King," he shouted, as that was the name the boy had chosen to give him since he'd learned to speak. "Mother needs you!"

"My Prince, your father is with his counsel and you shouldn't…" his septa said, rushing in behind him. "Apologies your Grace," she said bowing.

"No apologies necessary Septa Louella," Aegon said, lifting the boy onto his lap. "Well, as you've heard, the queen needs me. We'll meet again in a week or so when the Queen is recovered." The King stood, carrying his son a few steps before setting him back on his feet.

The boy bolted shouting, "We're coming mother!" as his septa raced behind him.

"Bless the Gods your Grace. I'll see to her as well," Samwell said, rising from the grand table and bowing to the room as he went.

"So," Tyrion said, turning to Brienne. "I suppose you'll be off to home for a few days?"

"I will. Ser Podrick is my second in command and as always, he'll see to my orders."

"Very good, he said, nodding to her as he turned to leave. "Oh, I almost forgot, according to the latest reports I've received, crime in the capitol has reached an all-time low. I figured I'd send you off on a high note." He smiled.

"I'd love to take credit for that but as you know, the city watch is Ser Davos Seaworth's responsibility. Apparently most of it is due to the fact that the people are no longer starving and Flea Bottom is a long forgotten memory."

"Yes of course, but he gave the credit to you for your years of advisement and guidance. You know, he's recommended one of his sons to take over for him in the new year. He feels at his age, he'd much rather be teaching his grandchildren how to sail."

"Too bad," Brienne said in a snarky tone. "He'd make an excellent hand."

"Why Ser Brienne, whatever do you mean?" Tyrion asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, I just thought perhaps all this peace and prosperity would have grown boring to you by now." Brienne gave him a tight lipped smile and bowed.

"Who me?" Tyrion said, feigning a shocked expression. "You've been in Kings Landing too long now my Lady…excuse me, Lord Commander. You're sarcasm has improved greatly."

"I have my duty and a purpose here," Brienne said in her stoic way.

"Times have changed. You know, you're no longer sworn to serve until death in your position. You can walk away from all of this at any time. No one could blame you."

Brienne looked around and smiled. "I suppose the place has grown on me."

"You'd better be careful my Lord, you're starting to sound like family." Tyrion chuckled, bowed and went on his way.

Brienne took the long walk to the white tower, which had been restored to its pristine greatness years ago. Her chambers were spacious and comfortable. Her King and Queen had spared no expense to restore much of the castle to its former beauty, and the towers were no exception. She stepped to the window and glanced down at the courtyard. It was filled with vendors, lively music and performers. She smiled wide, as the aroma of fragrant flowers carried up to her on the breeze from the lush gardens below.

"Fieleen?" she called, as a young woman burst into the room.

"Apologies my Lord. I came here as soon as I heard the counsel had adjourned." She bowed. "May I help you out of your armor?"

"Yes. That is what squires do, correct?" Brienne asked sternly, raising her brow.

"Yes My Lord," the girl said, rushing to assist Brienne with her many straps and ties.

Fieleen had been sent to her from Storms End—a girl of sixteen years. Gendry found her there, dressed as a boy, and was informed by the locals that she was another of King Robert's many bastards. He requested she come to court and that she be legitimized as his sister to which the king and queen pleasantly agreed. When she arrived she was a bit wild and preferred following Brienne from place to place rather than attending court. She took to sneaking out in men's clothing and even cut off her mass of long black waves crudely, in attempt to look more like Brienne. Eventually, she had found the courage to speak to Brienne and became her understudy. Being quite familiar with young ladies who wanted nothing to do with conventional ways, Brienne took her on as a squire.

"Have you packed my things for my journey?" Brienne asked her, as Fieleen removed her breast plate. The girl had to stand on a stool to reach her liege's shoulders. Although every bit as feisty and brave as her Lord, the girl wasn't much larger than Arya Stark.

"I have my Lord."

"And the few things I wrapped to take home with me?"

"Yes my Lord. I made sure to pack them gently as you told me to." Fieleen stepped down from the stool and carried the golden armor of her Lord to the armor stand in the corner of the room. "I also packed you some food for your journey and a skin of water."

"Good. Well done." Brienne stepped to her mirror and released her now shoulder length hair from the leather tie, combing through it with her fingers. "Don't forget your lessons while I'm away."

"I won't my Lord. Ser Podrick has agreed to work with me on my sword; one hour, twice a day, once in the morning before breakfast and once in the evening before supper."

Brienne smiled to herself. "You truly couldn't ask for a better teacher."

"Other than my Lord," Fieleen said, bowing. "Will there be anything else?"

"Yes, saddle my destrier and wait for me near the courtyard. Oh and Fieleen, here," Brienne said, placing five pieces of silver in her calloused hand. "Just in case there's anything you need while I'm away."

"Thank you my Lord!" the girl shouted and raced out of the room.

Brienne changed into her riding leathers and pulled on her clean boots. "That girl knows how to clean clothes I'll give her that," she mumbled to herself and retied her hair for her ride south.

There was still at least four hours of light left—more than enough time to make it back to her holdfast before nightfall. She needed a place away from Kings Landing to just breathe and live a simple but comfortable life. As she lifted her satchel over her head she turned to her armor—not the golden kings guard armor but the one beside it, now gleaming where the sun broke through the window. That was no accident. She'd placed the armor stand just so, to catch the evening sun.

Oathkeeper now secured around her waist, she took one last look around the room, making sure everything was just so, and then walked to the blue armor and lightly traced her fingertips over it. "I have a gift for you," she whispered to herself and smiled a melancholy smile. "See you again soon."

As she entered the courtyard, she decided to browse the market a bit. She didn't know what she was looking for but she knew when she found it, she would. She came upon a merchant selling fragrant soaps and oils, as well as medicinal herbs.

"Yes milady," an old woman said, as Brienne stepped to her stall.

"May I please have two of your lavender soaps and." She paused glancing around. "Two of the vanilla?" Brienne asked. She enjoyed walking through the market unnoticed as the Lord Commander and made no attempt to correct the woman.

The old woman scrambled, gathering the soaps and wrapping them in corn husks. "Will there be anythin' else?"

"No, that's it for me." Brienne paid her and continued browsing the stalls as she made her way toward the castle gate, where Fieleen awaited her with her horse.

"See you when you return my Lord," Fieleen said. "My Lord?"

"Yes Fieleen," Brienne said in a bothered tone.

"Ser Podrick," the girl said and stepped back from the horse so Brienne could put the soaps in her saddle bag.

"Yes, Fieleen, what is it, I have to go?"

"He…he asked me to sup with him tonight in the great hall."

"And?" Brienne asked, finally turning her attention to the girl and noticing she was in obvious confusion.

"He's a Ser, my Lord. Is that permitted?"

Suddenly Brienne looked down at Fieleen, into her bright, lovely and naive blue Baratheon eyes. "Podrick Payne," she said aloud, placing her hands on her hips.

"Yes my Lord, Ser Podrick is what I said," Fieleen said, still looking up at her.

Brienne thought for a moment back to when she was that age and smiled. "Supper and training and that's it. You may be a squire but you are still a maid and you'll stay that way, do you understand me?" Her smile disappeared as quickly as the thought came to her just how lovely Fieleen's eyes were.

"Yes my Lord!"

Brienne mounted her horse and was gone through the city gates, on her way home at last.

Twilight peaked over the hills as she approached Tumbleton in the Reach. The Footlys had abandoned the castle during the war for Kings Landing and never returned. Afterwards, wanting a place of her own, the king and queen granted her the castle with her Lordship. It was perfect; small but stout and sturdy with lush farmlands, and several families held holdfasts on the property. The fertile ground of the Reach provided them with plenty of food and livestock, and the view was spectacular in every direction.

She slowed her horse to a stop as she reached the turn from the Roseroad that led her back to her home. Turning in her saddle, she glanced back at the Kingswood behind her and imagined nothing beyond the trees but land and Blackwater Bay. After a moment, she clucked her tongue and the horse moved on.

When at last she'd reached the final ridge, she sped up until she could see the turrets and castle wall of her home. Her heart swelled and the horse began to gallop, then race onward to where her home grew larger and larger until at last, she had arrived at the gates.

"My Lord!" a young knight in the blue armor of Tarth exclaimed as she dismounted. "We weren't expecting you for several days," he said, taking her destrier by the bridle.

"Coleman isn't it?" Brienne asked.

"Yes my Lord," he answered.

"Can you call for someone to unpack my horse please and put him in the stables?"

Just then a young boy dashed towards them. "I can do it my Lord," he said. His sandy brown hair was like a mop, and his hands and face were nearly black.

"And you are?" she bent over him and asked.

"I'm the blacksmith's son my Lord but I work in the stables now. I'm Landry."

"Well Landry, can you manage such an important task as this? This isn't just any horse; he's a war horse and quite stubborn. If you're not careful, he can be a beast."

"Oh yes, my Lord. I can handle him," the boy said and smiled as she nodded to Ser Coleman to hand over the reins.

"Mother!" she heard a voice shout in the distance. "Oh mother you're home!"

Tears welled in her eyes as she saw the spindly legged, beautiful girl bounding towards her—her skirts clenched in her hands above her knees so she could run.

"Oh my darling!" Brienne cried, scooping the girl up into her arms and smothering her with kisses.

"Oh mother I've missed you so," the girl said, hugging Brienne so tightly about the neck she could scarcely breathe.

"Gods let me look at you, Rose. You are more beautiful every day."

"Catelyn says I'm as ugly as a mule and Jaime says I'm too skinny."

"Well they're both wrong and I'll tell them so. Where are they?" Brienne held the child and craned her neck around as she walked towards the castle archway.

"Mother!" she heard and turned as little Jaime threw what appeared to be a fishing pole, fish and all, into the dirt and bolted for her, followed by his younger sister, a girl of six with golden curls bouncing in the breeze.

Brienne fell to her knees holding them, kissing them and cupping each face in her hands, as she searched them over, assessing their growth and health. "My your all just wonderful."

"Children! Give your mother some air!" their septa cried as she approached. "Welcome home my Lord."

"Septa, when I'm home, you may call me my Lady—I kind of miss that," she said over a smile as she stood, dusting off her pants.

"Come along now children, baths and night clothes for you," their septa said, as they groaned.

"Mother, you'll read us a bedtime story won't you?" Rose pleaded as the septa took her by the hand.

"Of course I will my darling," Brienne said, blowing them kisses as they followed their septa into the castle.

"And what of their father?" Brienne heard a voice say from behind her. She spun around, finding Jaime walking quickly towards her.

"What of the old goat?" she said as he flew into her arms, nearly taking her off her feet.

"Jaime," she whispered as their foreheads pressed together for several moments, and then kissed passionately.

"I feel like you've been gone forever," he said in a raspy whisper and kissed her again.

"One night feels like forever now," she said. Her words were breathy with relief.

"The children miss you terribly," Jaime said, leaning back to look at her.

"Oh the children you say?" she said in jest, pulling him close and laying her head on his shoulder.

"And me," he whispered in her ear.

When the embrace ended, she wrapped her arm under his and they walked into the castle together.

"Anything new in the capitol?" Jaime asked, pouring her a glass of wine.

"When I left, our beautiful queen was about to give birth," she said, taking the cup from his hand and then leading him into the cozy sitting room off the main hall. "Come, sit with me," she said and he happily joined her.

"Who'd have thought so much could change in seven years?"

"Who'd have thought we'd have three children? My goodness," she sighed. "Rose…although so small we almost lost her, she was such a blessing." She sighed.

"Rose is a joy. She's sweet, kind and gentle and far too intelligent for four years old. Sometimes the Gods are good. Does it bother you that we can't have any more?"

"Bother me? No, I think our family would have been complete regardless of learning that. After nearly losing Rose, I was just happy she and I survived it all. Besides, pregnancy and being a Lord Commander are not the easiest jobs to combine."

"But you've proven it can be done, just as you've proven every convention you've challenged was wrong. I can't tell you enough how proud I am to be your husband." He gazed at her lovingly as she ran her fingers along his bare jawline.

"You're still as handsome as ever you know," she said, leaning in and kissing his cheek. "But I do miss your beard."

"Which beard would that be? The one I had when you met me, or the very similar one I had when you managed to have me pardoned and released from the black cells?" He laughed.

"No, the one you had when you came to Winterfell," she said in a whisper, studying his eyes—his soft, tender eyes.

"The children tell me it makes me look old." He frowned.

"So you're allowing a seven year old, a six year old and a four year old to override my opinion now?" She chuckled and scoffed.

"Yes, I absolutely am, my Lady. They're horrible too me and boss me around all day long when you're away," he said, his voice and his expression softening as he reached over into her lap and took her hand. "I just want to be a good father to them Brienne, and a good husband to you. That's all I ever want to be for the rest of my days."

"You are," she said taking his face in her hands. "I couldn't do any of this without you. Don't you see? This is that world we dreamed of; the world where we could be together always—or at least as often as possible. Nothing's ever perfect but we're close Jaime, aren't we?"

"We're not close to it, we're living it." He paused but she saw doubt or something in his eyes. His eyes, Brienne, she thought.

Quickly, he smiled and changed the subject. "Now, are you hungry? I can have the cook make you something; anything you want, within reason of course."

"All I want is a hot bath, to read our children a bedtime story and make love to my husband." She leaned in close to him and pressed her lips gently to his, as his hand slid up into her hair, and released it from the leather tie. "I've missed my lion." She kissed him deeply again and then he sat back. She could feel what she saw in those pools of green moments ago, now making its way to the surface.

"So, I'll ask you now instead of before you leave like I usually do; will you stay? Can you give up your position and come home for good?" Jaime was so sincere and loving, and she knew it took everything in him to ask.

"We have a whole week. Can I give you my answer when it's time for me to go?"

"All I ask is that you consider it. You deserve to enjoy the spring, here with us and the fish are biting. You know how much you love to fish," he said and kissed her through a smile until they were again wrapped tightly together. When the kiss ended, he whispered to here, "If and when you see my brother again, tell him I've climbed that mountain we spoke of long ago, and the view is beautiful." Their kiss carried on, as her understanding of what he said pressed her deeply into his arms.

"Ewww," she heard in unison as they broke off their kiss and turned to find three damp haired children standing in the doorway in their night gowns giggling.

"Children!" she heard their septa shout.

She turned to Jaime and he said, "Welcome home."


End file.
